The Teacher's Note 請簽名歸還

事情是從一張皺巴巴的爛紙條開始的。

那天兒子一放學回家, 照慣例, 馬上就急著要玩要和妹妹鬥嘴, 總是要三催四請才慢吞吞的把書包裡的東西拿出來歸位 (我準備了in box 讓他自己放從學校帶回來的東西, 我晚上有空時才去翻閱整理)。他放好了一堆拉雜東西後, 從書包裡又拿了張紙出來, 「老師說要你簽名」, 直接交到我手裡就轉頭去玩了。好小子! 開學才不到兩個月, 老師的第一張紙條就來了! 上面罰寫了一遍「我會遵守校規」, 老師請家長簽名歸還, 其他什麼都沒有。重點是, 發生了什麼事呢?

我偷瞄了一下兒子, 完全沒有心虛偽善的樣子。「今天在學校有乖嗎?」「有啊!」看來我得換個方法問,「為什麼老師叫你寫這個句子呢? 你想想看, 是不是有不聽話被老師說了?」兒子這會兒停下來認真想了一下, 「喔, 老師說不可以頭朝下溜滑梯, 很危險。然後叫我坐在旁邊不准玩了。」呼, 還好還好, 小錯, 可以更正。我碎嘴訓誡了 一番, 又解釋了頭朝下溜滑梯可能頭破血流很可怕之類, 就簽了名放回書包的聯絡夾裡, 叮嚀兒子明天一早放進教室老師的in box裡。第二天放學, 兒子一臉悶悶不樂, 委屈的說老師又罰他坐在操場邊不准玩, 因為老師問起昨天媽媽簽名的紙條時, 他一下想不起來放在哪了, 老師就認定他沒帶回去, 馬上再度處罰。其實兒子一早就把聯絡夾交回in box了, 老師完全沒有去看一下。

這樣的懲罰適當嗎? 哪裡有說明若隔天沒有簽名歸還, 孩子就要二度受罰呢? 由一個5歲孩子代替老師跟家長溝通, 這樣合理嗎? 老爺叫我不要太介意, 只是件小事, 才剛開學沒多久, 老師又知道我也是教職人員, 合理的詢問也很容易被誤認為批判 。好吧, 人生本來就不公平, 受點委屈, 讓兒子趁早有個小教訓也好。跟兒子聊了一下已經5歲了, 自己的東西自己要負責云云, 吃了點冰淇淋, 我看他也釋懷得很快。那天晚上我寫了email 告訴老師紙條早已交回, 其他什麼都沒說。

突然想起我還在教書時用的behavior chart。從一開學就和家長和學生說明獎懲辦法, 放在教室前方人人清楚可見的地方, 用不同顏色的色卡來鼓勵良好表現的學生, 也提醒行為需要修正的孩子留意言行, 在上課時不需要為了管理秩序而中斷教學, 也沒有突如其來, 動輒得咎的處罰方式。若當天有特殊的獎懲情況, 放學後我都以簡短紙條或email馬上通知家長。

在兒子的教室裡, 我也見過一模一樣的behavior chart。掛在一堆灰塵僕僕的勞作紙後方, 被圖釘釘著的過期周報半蓋著, 上面仍標示著不知是哪年的學生名字。

是啊, 簽名歸還一張老師的紙條, 不難。但是做一個恰如其分的teacher mom, 很難。

It all started with a piece of wrinkled lined paper back in October.

My little guy pulled a paper out from his backpack and handed it to me, " My teacher said you have to sign this." Then off he went to play with his toys. I opened the folded paper. Ah, here we go, my wormy little guy's first teacher note. It looked like the little guy was asked to write a sentence: " I will follow school rules." And the teacher wanted us to sign and return it.

"Did you have a good day?" I was puzzled about what happened. The little guy paused for a second and said, "Yeah!" Hmm, maybe I should ask in a different way. "Why did your teacher ask you to write this sentence? Did you you get in trouble today?" He stopped playing for a minute and said, "Oh, now I remembered. My teacher said I can't slide head down first on the play structure. It's dangerous."

Whew! Ok, not too bad, it was a minor misbehavior. So I reminded him about playground rules, signed the paper and returned it in his homework folder. The next day, the little guy looked unhappy when I picked him up after school. He didn't have his recess but sat on a bench for a time-out. (If you have kids, you know how important recess is to them!) What was the reason? He said when the teacher asked him about the paper, he forgot where it was. (If you have a 5 years old, you know everything needs to be in plain sight or it's considered gone!) The little guy actually followed my direction and returned the homework folder with the paper in there. He just couldn't remember at that moment. And his teacher didn't bother to check first but sent him straight for another punishment.

Was that a fair consequence? Did the note indicate double punishment if it isn't signed and returned the next day? Is it appropriate to rely on a 5 year old's words to communicate with parents? My big guy told me not to make this into a big deal. Concerns from a teacher mom could easily be mistaken as criticism. Well, I guess life isn't always fair. So I talked the little guy about taking responsibilities. He listened and after a bowl of ice cream, he almost forgot all about losing recess. Later that night, I emailed the teacher and told her the whereabouts of the note, nothing else.

All of a sudden, I thought of the color-coded behavior chart I had in the past teaching years. It was a powerful tool for me to monitor students behavior without interrupting the class. Students could see it in front of the classroom as a visual reminder without being put on the spot. Steps to rewards and different levels of consequences were clearly explained to parents and reinforced with students throughout the year. A quick note or email would follow to communicate with parents about any issues occurred during the school day.

Being a parent volunteer every Thursday, I have seen the same  color-coded chart in my little guy's classroom. It is behind a pile of dusty construction paper, pinned under some old school newsletters, and still labeled with student names from who knows which school year.

I know, it's not hard to just sign and return the teacher's note. But it is very hard not to be a questioning teacher mom.

First Day of School 第一天上學

While we were still getting over jet-lag from our Taiwan trip, my little guy's first day of kindergarten was around the corner already. As usual, I got stressed out about this than I really needed to be. What kind of teacher will he have? Is she caring and patient? Is she organized and knowledgeable? Will my little guy make friends and learn happily? Lots for me to wonder and the answers remain unknown until much later.

As I expected, my little guy was quite nervous the day before. We took him to the school yard for a tour in the afternoon. Before bedtime, we read the story "The Kissing Hand" together to give him some encouragement. Daddy even had a "boys' talk" with him - if you would like to become a police officer when you grow up, you have to go to school and be smarter than the bad guys.

However, my little guy still cried a little bit about wanting to stay home with me and his little sister. I know it always takes a couple of days for him to get used to changes. During the past month in Taipei, it took him quite some time to adjust to the different lifestyle and the art class I signed him up for. But he would be a happy camper as soon as he got familiar with the routines.

September 5, 2012, first day of school, maybe Daddy's police story sank in. My little guy was happy and ready for kindergarten in the morning. He said hi to the teacher and started playing basketball on the playground right away. I watched him outside of the fence with my little girl until he lined up, waved goodbye, and went in the class with the other kids.

Yeah, I made it without crying. As I was walking back to my graciously fought and earned parking space, my heart was filled up with joy. The journey of public education has officially started for my little guy.

  

Kindergarten Lottery 開獎日

We planned for a sledding trip at Lake Tahoe for my big guy's birthday. We didn't know at the time that the day we plan to leave, was going to be the day of my son's kindergarten lottery drawing.

According to the district website, the kindergarten lottery would be held by the principal and a PTA member at Pupil Service. The result would be available on Feb. 3 at the participating school sites. (Doesn't it sound like a restaurant commercial? "special prizes available only at participating locations" ) Therefore, on Feb. 3, after I finished packing three people's luggages for the weekend trip (The big guy is on his own.), I called the school to check on the result.

"The result will be posted after 5 pm today on the school library window." said the office lady who answered the phone. "Oh I'm sorry to bother you. It's about 3 pm now and we are going out of town for the weekend to celebrate a birthday. Is there anyway you can help to look up my son's name? Knowing the result before we leave will be a great relief for us."  "No." said the office lady over the phone, short and firm. "Oh ok, is the list going to be posted online so we can check after 5 pm today?" "No." the office lady repeated again, "The result will be posted after 5 pm today on the school library window."

Well, I said thank you and hung up and phone. Obviously the kindergarten lottery can't be compared to the California Lottery system. The result is not available online. And I totally understand the school policy of treating every parent the same way, no exceptions. So we put the unknown aside and enjoyed our trip for the weekend.

On our way back on Sunday, we drove by the school and there it was. My son's initials and birth date on the "attending" list on the library window. I hoorayed and clapped back to the car. My little daughter who had no idea what happened laughed along. My son looked surprised and told me if I don't settle down quickly, I will get a time-out when we go home.

So, yeah, we won the kindergarten lottery. I couldn't help but glancing at the names on the "waiting" list, all 54 of them. What are their parents thinking about right now? What does it mean to be on a waiting list to a high API score school? I'm sure their parents have done all the right things at the right time. But I guess in the end, it's all about just having some luck.

So for those of you out there waiting to participate in the kindergarten registration, here are some of tips to get you through:  幼兒園新生入學註冊須知

1. Right around the December holidays, check on the local school district website for kindergarten registration dates and information. 十二月起就可以上當地學區網站查詢幼兒園新生註冊資訊和截止日期。

2. Get the registration packet and prepare all documents. Be ridiculouly nice to the school staff. And triple check you have everything before you turn it in. 盡快到學校領取註冊資料並備齊所有文件。交件前重複檢查確認，對學校工作人員客氣有禮是不會錯的。

3. If there is a kindergarten lottery involved, it means your child might not get into the high API score school you move your family close to. There is nothing you can do at this time, so just chill. 如果新生人數過多，則需要抽籤才能決定入學，沒抽中去另一個學校還是有書讀，放寬心等結果吧!

And remember, no matter what the result is, which school your child gets in, how far you have to drive, or how much you dislike the teachers, the chances are, your child will still learn, make friends, and have fun wherever he/she goes.

Kindergarten Registration 註冊中

I don't know if you have seen the Target 2010 holiday commercial. It was so hilarious and made me want to rush to Target right away. Even though I'm almost there everyday already...buying essential and unnecessary household items at the same time.

As much as I can remember, the blonde lady in the commercial was wearing full body red track suit, doing sit-ups on the big red Target ball, (my 20 months old daughter still thinks it can be kicked like a regular ball...), lifting baskets of products as weights, practicing speed-giftwrap, running with a parachute behind, and counting down days on the calendar...all for the 2 days sale starting on black Friday.

As hilarious (or ridiculous) as it might sound, I did exactly all the above things in my mind, over and over again. But it was not for the great Target sale. It was for my son's kindergarten registration.

Yes, you read me right. Now you know what kind of mom I am...a teacher mom to be exact. After being an elementary teacher for 6 years in a prestigious south bay community, I decided to take one year leave to spend more time with my own little ones. Before I could even catch my breath, my husband got a job offer too good to reject. So here we are, moving from the sunny L.A. to the cloudy northern Cal. The dream of having my kids going to the same school I teach at can't seem to come true anymore.

Learning to be a full time mom is quite a lesson for me. All of a sudden, my son is turning 5 and entering kindergarten this fall. You must think when it comes to school registration, I shouldn't be sweating at all. I should have more insights than most parents. Unfortunately, that's why I am sweating. Because I know how tideous the paper work can be. I know how unclear the deadlines are listed. I know the possibility of one little thing goes undone, my son might not be in the lottery drawing in time.

Yes, you read me right again, lottery drawing, for a kindergarten spot in a public school setting. It's not happening at every elementary school site though, only at the "good" ones. (Oh, next time I'll talk about how "good" a school can be by just looking at its API scores...) Siblings of current students get priority to enroll in kindergarten first. Then the rest available spots are for first-born kids, which means new students to the district. However, at a "good" school, there are always way more new enrollments than the spots provided. Parents buy the unreasonable high-priced house in hope to get their kids into the good neighborhood school. But the truth is, after you have done the registration right, if your childn't name isn't picked at the lottery drawing, he or she will still be overflown to a school which still have spots available. (a.k.a, a "bad" neighborhood where parents won't fight to live in).

Now, can you understand my whole mental process of the Target preparation? I got the kindergarten registration packet in time, filled out all the forms, got the oral assessment form signed by a licensed dentist, dug out all legal documents proving residency, then booked the first appointment at 8 am to turn in the whole packet. The night before the registration appointment, I had my husband double checked all forms, told my children that Daddy will give them breakfast next morning, and went to bed thinking everything was fine and ready.

Finally, the big time had arrived. Within one minute of flipping through my son's kindergarten registration packet, the lady holding a grande cup of Starbucks coffee said to me, "I'm sorry, I can't take your registration packet today." I kept my smile but raised my voice a bit, "Excuse me, what do you mean?" "Here, you are missing an utility bill, without the bill, I can't take your packet today." "But I brought my car insurance bill. On the information sheet, it indicates that the car insurance bill is one of the documents which can prove my current location of residency."

After checking with three other ladies for 10 minutes and reading the information sheet for another minute, the lady returned to the table and said, "Oh ok,  it must be new this year. You are done. Good luck. Hopefully we'll get to see you again in fall."

There it was. My son's kindergarten registration was done. It felt like I had shopped until I dropped at Target's black Friday sale. Everything on my list was in my basket already. And I didn't even need to pepper-spray anybody!

The result is out of my hands now. All we need is a little good luck. I can't help but worry - what if they lose the 3 by 5 index card with my son's name on it? He won't even be in the lottery drawing!!!