Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (中譯: 虎媽戰歌) 的作者Amy Chua (蔡美兒) 出生於虎年, 以「虎媽」和耶魯大學法學系教授的身分, 發表了她教養兩位出色女兒的回憶錄以及她做母親的心路歷程 - 對父母絕對的服從與尊重, 所有的成績一定要A+, 不斷的練琴挑戰極限, 不准在朋友家過夜, 不能交男朋友。
我第一次聽到「虎媽」的時候, 馬上想到小時候奶奶講給我聽的故事 - 虎姑婆。幻化成老太婆的老虎精會在晚上出沒, 專門抓不好好睡覺的小孩來吃。這種半威脅加恫嚇的童話, 現在大概沒有家長會講給小孩聽了, 可笑的是我很八股, 心裡一直存在著母老虎駭人的形象。
在蔡美兒的書廣受好評與爭議的同時,「虎媽」這個名詞也被濫用了,尤其是泛指所謂「嚴格」教育孩子的華裔母親。妳若是讓孩子做任何學校規定外的習題, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是要求孩子一天彈20分鐘鋼琴, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是以堅決的口吻要孩子吃青菜, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是給胡鬧的孩子任何懲罰, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是膽敢限制孩子看電視或使用iPad的時間, 妳肯定就是個不折不扣, 而且老派落伍的虎媽。
我大概算是個虎媽吧! 兒子下課後我偶爾會準備其它的project讓他完成, 因為學習不應該只在學校裡發生。兒子想學鋼琴和繪畫, 試課後讓他擇一選定, 然後就要認真全力以赴。我教孩子要吃健康營養的食物, 不要挑剔也不要浪費。不管是在家或在外, 孩子不守規矩沒有禮貌, 我都會嚴聲勸止。孩子如果表現出色, 我會不時給予驚喜的獎勵。每天看卡通或玩iPad的時間也有限制, 這樣才有更多的時間跑跳玩耍!
很嚴格嗎? 其實我是龍年生的, 叫我「龍媽」似乎更貼切點。孩子還小, 正在學習如何獨立思考,自律和做選擇。我想給他們一個規律安定的環境, 讓孩子在人格成熟的過程中, 慢慢學習自主自立, 在我這個「嚴格兼寵愛」的「龍媽」照顧下好好長大。
所有的父母都有自己教養孩子的準則。我不可能完美。但是我期勉自己聆聽孩子的聲音, 調整自己的做法, 試著當一個比今天更好的媽媽。
蔡美兒說: It’s about believing in your child more than anyone else – more than they believe in themselves – and helping them realize their potential, whatever it may be.
這, 將是我做老師和做媽媽不斷學習謹記的課題。
If you are a Chinese parent in the States, you have probably heard of the term "Tiger Mom".
Amy Chua, born in the year of the tiger, a professor at Yale Law School, the author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, shared her personal journey about how she transformed as a mother, and how she tried to raise her daughters the same way she was raised by her first generation Chinese immigrant parents - the demand of absolute respect, math drills, piano practice, no less than A+grades, and no sleepovers or boyfriends.
The first time I heard about the term "Tiger Mom", I automatically thought of the story - 虎姑婆 (direct translation: Tiger Great Aunt) my grandma told me when I was a little. It's an ancient Chinese folktale where a tiger was disguised as an old lady, snatching and eating kids who refused to go to sleep at night. I know, it's not exactly parents' first choice for bedtime story nowadays. And it has absolutely nothing to do with Amy Chua's tiger mother story.
The term "Tiger Mom" has been used very elaborately ever since the book came out, finger-pointing Asian parents (especially Chinese) who raise their children in any "strict" ways. If you help your child do a non-school-assigned project or worksheet, you are a tiger mom. If you require your child a 20 minutes of musical instrument practice each day, you are a tiger mom. If you ask your child to eat more vegetables in a firm voice, you are a tiger mom. If you take any privileges away from your child as a consequence of bad behavior, you are a tiger mom. If you ever, set a time limit for the use of technology of any kind for your child, you are THE tiger mom. An outdated one, too.
Call me a "Tiger Mom" if you like. I help my 6 years old do extra projects because learning doesn't stop once school it out. I let him explore art and music as extra-curricular activities. Once he makes his choice, he needs to devote his best. I teach my children to make healthy food choices and be happy with what they have. I use my teacher voice when my children are disrespectful, no matter at home or in public. A reward will be given as a surprise if they do something above and beyond. A consequence is in line when they misbehave. My children have limited time for technology use so they spend more time playing, running, or just being silly.
In fact, I was born in the dragon year. Call me a "Dragon Mom" if you please. At the age of 3 and 6, my children are acquiring the ability of independent thinking, internal self-control, and decision making. By providing a structured life at this time and letting them take more control as they mature, I hope my children will blossom beautifully with the care of their firm but loving mother.
In fact, I was born in the dragon year. Call me a "Dragon Mom" if you please. At the age of 3 and 6, my children are acquiring the ability of independent thinking, internal self-control, and decision making. By providing a structured life at this time and letting them take more control as they mature, I hope my children will blossom beautifully with the care of their firm but loving mother.
We all have different priorities and approaches as to how to raise our own children. I am not going to be perfect. But I am determined to listen, adjust, and striving to be better everyday.
Ultimately, I agree with what the original Tiger Mother said: It’s about believing in your child more than anyone else – more than they believe in themselves – and helping them realize their potential, whatever it may be.
And that's what I will always remember as a teacher, and as a ever learning mother.
Link to the book : Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom
