Before Teacherization 從前，以後

沒多少人知道我在當老師之前做過幾個工作。

畢業剛來美國的時候想讀旅館管理，大學時在台北凱悅打工的經驗，讓我一心嚮往每天接觸人群，美食，和優雅的環境。沒想到在UCLA報名的課程被取消了，誤打誤撞的轉念了企管的證書。一年後，國際學生的身分讓我找工作難上加難，同時又在考慮人生大事，旅館業不定時的上班時間讓我打消了從事這行的念頭。

我的第一份工作是在一間小型健康食品公司當行政助理，每天只要聊天打字就好。第二份工作是在有黑白相間動物商標的中國餐館當經理，兩週的訓練期內，一天要開120英哩的車程來回，學習如何鋪好桌巾和補桌上醬料。第三份工作是在保險公司做業務助理，一天大約只做5份報價。第四份工作是在中文廣播電台當行銷助理，可以幫廣告配音，週六還主持了一個電台美食節目。在接洽了環球影城個把月之後，好不容易取得了90張的免費入場卷，可供電台辦活動，送給聽眾當作優惠。結果經理說我太年輕，表現太過，公司裡其他的人最好不要知道有這回事。第五份工作是在知名健康產品直銷公司當客服。世界各地直銷商打來的詢問電話沒停過，同事平均一天接60通，我每天接聽200通，還要在休息時刻回覆不會講英文的中國直銷商。工作一年之後，經理問我是不是有英語方面的溝通障礙，上星期我轉接給組長處理的一通電話中，組長聽不太懂我解說的情形為何。

我實在是厭倦了換工作，也彷徨不知道自己可以做什麼。在我們家老爺建議之下，我開始了小學教師訓練課程。繳了很多學費，通過無數的考試，上課，觀摩和實習，兩年之後，我拿到了第一階段的雙語教師證照。很幸運的開始教書之後，開始了教師後期的訓練，每週要參加workshops，寫報告，做學生case study，還要被校長和資深老師評估審核，再度歷時兩年之後，我終於拿到了合格的雙語教師證照。緊接而來的卻是加州政府教育經費縮減，像我這樣資淺的老師，每年都有被辭退的危機。

想當個老師不簡單吧! 上星期在LA Times看到一則新聞，一位女性科任老師被國中學生舉報，在情色電影裡看到老師多年之前的演出。其他老師在手機上略查之後通報學區，這名老師被督學指為"瓦解學校制度"，在詳盡調查開始前即被開除。我不禁在想，這位老師走過什麼樣的求職路？是個好老師嗎？在課堂上是否有不得體的行為？想不想繼續教育英才？在被開除之前有為自己說話嗎？

我相信每個人都要為自己所做過的決定負責，凡走過必留下痕跡，在過程中我們不斷學習，重新為自己找到向前的契機。希望有一天，我的孩子能了解，人的過去既不可恥，也不可怕。重要的是，從這一刻起，你要怎麼過你的人生，有沒有勇氣讓以後比從前更好。

Few people know about how I become a teacher in the U.S.

In 1999, with the limited amount of money I had for tuition, I enrolled myself in a one year certificate program at UCLA Extension, majoring in hotel management as an international student. Why hotel managment? It all started when I was a sophomore in college. I taught ESL classes after school and made a decent amount of money. I also worked as a server two nights a week in a restaurant at Grand Hyatt Taipei. The hourly pay was minimum but the job made quite an impression on me. It was all about the things I love - meeting people, gourmet food, and a luxurious environment.

However, after I moved from Taipei to LA, the counselor at UCLA extension informed me the hotel managment program had been cancelled. I could either transfer to another program, or lose my student visa and go back to Taiwan. Well, I wasn't ready to pack up and go home yet. So one year later, I finished the certificate program as a business major. Looking for a job with an OPT status was not easy. (OPT means you can earn minimum wage and be a tax payer as an alien for one year.) Plus the big guy and I were planning to get married, hotel jobs were out of the question since the hours were too crazy.

My first job was an admin assistant in a small health product company. All I did was typing. My second job was an assistant manager at Pxxxx Inn. ( Yes, it's the famous Chinese restaurant with the black and white animal logo.) The HR staff made me drive 120 miles everyday for two weeks for the initial training. My third job was at an insurance company. I prepared about 5 quotes per day. My fourth job was a marketing assistant at a Chinese radio station. I got to co-host a radio show introducing local restaurants on Saturday mornings. After I spent weeks writing proposals and contacting Universal Studio, I got 90 promotional tickets for free. My manager told me I did too good of a job as the new gal. No one in the company should know about this.

My fifth job was at an international health product company Hxxxxxlife. I answered 200 calls from distributors per day. The average calls my colleagues answered were 60. I was the most junior staff chosen to work at the world wide distributor convention in New Orleans. After working there for a year, my manager asked me "Do you feel that you have a langauge barrier? A week ago you transferred a call to your supervisor and he couldn't understand what you explained to him."

I was fed up with job hopping and didn't know what I really wanted to do. My big guy suggested that I should look into teaching again. So I decided to give it a shot, thinking I can become a teacher after a year or two. Well, that was not the case.

Here are what I went through to become a bilingual teacher in California. From step 1 to 10, the long journey took me four whole years!

1. Pass CBEST. (It's a test about your basic knowledge in English, math and writing.)
2. Take more than 60 units worth of classes.
3. Do more than 30 hours worth of classroom observation.
4. Pass CSET. (It's a test about your general knowledge regarding all elementary subjects.)
5. Pass RICA. (It's about how to teach reading.)
6. Take CSET for second language teaching. (In my case: reading, writing, and listening in Mandarin)
7. Be assigned to two different grade levels for student teaching. ( You follow your master teachers and do whatever they ask you to do. They get to write a final review about your performance.)
8. You get your preliminary credential. Find a full time job ASAP at this point. Or your credential will be cancelled after 5 years. (Like getting a teaching job is so easy!)
9. Pass BTSA program. (It's a two year probationary program after you become a full time teacher - workshops, projects, being observed by mentors, and filling out documents to prove that you can teach.)　
10. Finally, you get your clear credential. (It doesn't mean you won't lose your job next year since the budget cut is increasing and you are low on the seniority list.)

Wasn't it easy to become a teacher! There was an article on L.A. Times last week. A middle school teacher was reported by her own students that she was starring in pornographic films in the past. The Superintendant called it a "disruption". The teacher was put on leave then fired pending investigation.

I couldn't help but wondering the alleged teacher's long day's journey into night. Before teacherization, what was her story when she got involved in exotic films? What did she have to overcome to arrive at teacher land? Did she say or do inappropriate things in class? Was she a good teacher? Did she care about making a difference in students' lives? Did she have a chance to stand up for herself upon job termination?

We all have to answer to the decisions we made in the past. Along the way, we learn, and we move on to find ourselves new beginnings. One day, I hope my children will understand there is no need to be afraid or ashamed of your past. It makes you who you are today. What matters is how you will live your life from now on.  What matters is how you can make tomorrow a better day.

To Be or Not to Be 一日為師

去年二月我就決定了要今年在家休息，教了六年的書有些疲倦，最主要還是因為當時8個月大的女兒在家出了意外，保母一時失神讓女兒被熱奶器裡的水燙傷，動了手術住了院，在我心裡的傷痕不亞於女兒身上的印記。另外兩個教同年級的資深老師也都不約而同的決定退休，各自規劃卸下教職以後的人生。其中一個六十好幾(依舊是個金髮辣阿嬤)的老師感慨的說，教了三十年的書，一輩子與「老師」這個稱謂畫上等號，今後不教書了，還真不知道該如何給自己定位。

中國人說十年樹木，百年樹人，但是很多家長都忽略了教職也是一份工作，要下班，要領薪水，老師也有家，有私人生活。就像兒子3歲剛開始上幼稚園的時候一樣，理所當然的覺得週末學校也會開門，老師們不是全都住在那裏嗎? 早上八點半上課，七點五十就有律師家長在教室門口等，想花個兩小時跟你研究為什麼孩子自治會選舉落選。凌晨四點會收到急診室值班醫師家長的電郵，詢問兩星期前公布(而且今天該交)的功課到底是什麼。家長會談時，好學生的家長質問你為什麼不給孩子更多挑戰。學習要加強的學生，家長認為你教導無方，輔導不力。行為偏差的孩子，家長覺得你沒有耐心，課堂失序。加上每天只有45分鐘的午餐時間，全校老師在排隊上廁所，排隊影印作業，急忙回家長電話和電郵，再排隊微波熱好便當之後，通常只剩下不到5分鐘能吃飯。幸運的話，大概在上課鐘響前還有幾秒鐘，可以和走廊上擦肩而過的其他老師說聲嗨。

我一點都沒有誇張，其實也不算是抱怨。在加州學校工友的薪資比老師多的情況下，我還是喜歡教書。我喜歡孩子學習時眼中發亮的期待。有學生不小心脫口喊我「Mom」，我偷笑著驕傲孩子對我的親暱和信任。我喜歡學生繞在身邊，迫不及待報告放學後我沒參與到的拉雜瑣事。我更珍惜中堂下課後，在我桌上偶然出現的野生蒲公英和手繪小卡片。

雖說做媽媽是我人生最重要的功課和學習，一日為師，我想大概這輩子，我都將厚顏以此自居。

When I decided to become a full time mom last year, two other teachers teaching at my grade level also made the decision to retire at the end of the school year. Although we all had different reasons to leave the job, the mixed feelings we had toward teaching remain the same.

My daughter, 8 months old at that time, was accidentally burned by hot water while with the nanny at home. It was a extremely painful and traumatic experience for all of us. It also led me to reconsider what are my priorities in life. So, on June 9, 2011, I said goodbye to my students at the begining of summer break, locked up my classroom, and moved out years worth of teaching materials, books, tools, props, and memories to storage.

Maybe it's hard to believe. But many people tend to forget a teacher has a personal life. Just like how my son felt when he first started preschool at 3 - he assumed all teachers live at school and they never leave. If you have an office job earning a mid 40K annual salary, your boss or clients probably won't expect you to be on call at 4am or 8pm on a daily basis without prior notice.

But if you are a teacher, you might get an ADA mom waiting by your classroom door 40 minutes before school starts, ready to have a two hour conversation about why her child didn't win for student council. You might receive an email sent at 4 am from an ER doc mom, asking what the homework is on the exact due date. At parent conference, the parents think you haven't challenged their child accordingly if the child is doing a good job. If the student needs improvement, the parents say you haven't given the child enough attention. If there are behavior issues, the parents believe you don't have patience and can't manage your class.  Not to mention if you are low on the senority list, your principal might drop in on you at any minute and stay however long she wants. You can't say no to parents who volunteer to help but actually sip Starbucks and "hellicopter" their own children.

Moreover, during your exact 45 minutes lunch break, you need to walk 28 kids in line to cafeteria and make sure they are fed. Secondly, you wait in line at the only teacher restroom to take care of your business. Then, you wait in line at the only copy machine to prep for the afternoon projects. Back to your classroom, you check your voice mail and struggle with the 5 years old PC to reply emails. Eventually, you wait in line again at the only microwave to heat up your lunch. It's a lucky day if you have 5 minutes left to eat and say hi to another teacher in the hallway.

I'm not exaggerating or trying to be bitter. Despite all the above said and all the more I didn't mention, I taught primary grades for 6 years. I love being a teacher. I like teaching kids in different ways so they find school fun. I enjoy the moment when a kid unintentionally calls me "Mom". I listen to stories about their day after school. I cherish the occasional dandelions and hand-made cards after recess. I love seeing kids' eyes brighten up when they learn.

After staying at home happily for almost a year, I couldn't help but miss a teacher's gig. Although being a mom is always the first thing, being a teacher is still somewhere down on my list.

To be or not to be, I believe it will always be my inner calling.