Partners in Education 教育合作夥伴

My little guy has been quite excited since first grade has started. I'm not sure if he finds the new curriculum interesting or he just plain enjoys the recess. 

Last year, all kindergarten students played at a separated playground (away from the bigger kids) for safety reasons. As a first grader, it's his first time playing on the big blacktop and grass area. Of course the "no running on the blacktop" rule still applies. But that doesn't stop the little guy from having fun with his friends. When he comes home, he looks tired but still can't wait to share about his day: story time, math games, the science lab, computer keyboard practice, and PE...etc. I was glad my little guy stays true to himself - enthusiastic, expressive, and kinesthetic. 

However, two weeks ago, we received a note from his teacher, indicating my little guy "chose not to follow directions the first time". We took it as a big deal. The little guy told us that he was talking to his friend during carpet time. When the teacher asked him to stop, he continued to talk more after she turned around. He misbehaved indeed. I asked him to write an apology letter to his teacher. He lost his cartoon time on that day. And I wrote an email to his teacher, thanking her for sharing this with us and reassuring that we support her classroom management plan. We would continue to work with the little guy at home.

The next day, my little guy was sent to the principal's office. We took it as an even bigger deal. What happened? He said he was playing a tagging game with his friends on the blacktop. The lunch supervisors asked them to stop running but they didn't listen. After a second reminder, four of them were sent to the principal's office. The principal told them if this happens again, they will be suspended from school. On top of that, my little guy was in trouble for "being disrespectful" - he asked the lunch supervisors why he needed to see the principal.

I admit, my little guy lacks of self-control and questions way too much. However, is the consequence a bit too harsh? We tried to clarify the situation with his teacher through emails. She confirmed that it's at the lunch supervisors' discretion about how to handle misbehavior on the playground. In the following week, we received more notes from his teacher - touching PE equipment when the teacher was giving directions, reading a book when the librarian was telling them to line up, helping a friend doing a project during quiet work time.

I know, my little guy can't keep his hands to himself and needs to mind his own business. However, sending a note home so frequently puts a lot of stress on the whole family. It has become the only thing my little guy remembered about his day. We kindly asked the teacher to communicate with us through emails. A 6 years old boy will mature, preferably overnight, but gradually in reality. The little guy's teacher believes her method is well-planned and effective. Children need to take ownership of their actions. We should be prepared to receive a note, minor issues or not, as long as it's a bad choice of my little guy's behalf.

As a teacher, I have always believed parents and teachers should be partners in education. Today, as a parent, I came to this conclusion - working with a very dedicated teacher is like being in an arranged marriage. You become partners blindly without any prior knowledge of each other. You walk down the aisle learning when to speak up, when to shut up, and when to laugh it up. Hopefully one day, all in a respectful manner, you gain trust of each other and head for the greater good - nurturing a good child. 

The only difference is an arranged marriage lasts happily or bitterly longer. Your child gets a new teacher each year. I am sure my little guy will learn to behave and adapt, one step at a time. We will also learn to make the arranged marriage work, one step at a time.

上一年級似乎對兒子來說是件開心的大事, 上學第一個星期就回來說「我愛一年級!」到底喜歡的是什麼, 新的課程? 還是純粹下課可以在大操場玩耍? 這我就不敢說了。

學校為了安全起見, 去年上幼稚園時有一個分開的小操場讓孩子們玩, 今年上一年級終於可以在大操場打球玩耍。雖然校規嚴禁在水泥操場上奔跑, 兒子每天和朋友還是玩得很開心, 回家後滔滔不絕的分享聽了什麼故事, 玩了什麼數學遊戲, 科學教室裡有什麼器材, 電腦課可以練習鍵盤打字, 體育課又做了什麼運動。我還在想這小子適應的不錯嘛, 上了一年級還是一樣熱忱, 表達力豐富, 活動力也很強。

沒想到兩星期前, 我們收到了一張老師寫的字條, 上面圈寫著兒子「選擇不立刻聽從老師的指示」。這聽起來是件大事。兒子說他上課時跟同學說話, 老師制止他後, 一轉身他就非要把沒說完的告一段落。這的確是他不聽勸。我取消了他當天的卡通時間, 讓他寫了一封信給老師認錯, 又寫了一封email謝謝老師通知我們, 強調我們會好好和兒子解釋上課要專心, 不要說話擾亂大家學習。

隔天, 兒子被送進了校長室。我們覺得這是件很嚴重的事。兒子說他和其他3個同學玩捉人的遊戲, 午間的導護義工告誡他們不能在水泥操場上奔跑, 勸了兩次沒聽, 一行4人就被送去了校長室。校長說如果他們再不守規矩, 就要受到停課處置 。兒子比其他3個同學更罪加一等 ─ 「選擇不尊重師長」, 因為他疑惑的問導護義工為什麼他要去校長室。

我承認, 兒子實在自制力很低而且太多話。但是在操場奔跑不聽勸就進了校長室, 是不是有點矯枉過正? 我們寫了email 詢問老師, 老師說午間的導護義工可以看情形, 全權決定處置為何。之後的一個星期, 我們又陸續收到了三張老師寫的字條: 體育老師在講解遊戲規則時, 兒子在東摸西摸遊戲道具； 圖書館時間結束該排隊了, 兒子邊走邊看書沒有闔上；課堂上該安靜做作業時, 兒子忙著教隔壁女同學怎麼寫才對。

我知道, 兒子實在管不好自己又愛管別人閒事。但是每兩天一張字條讓家裡的氣壓持續低迷, 兒子也不再分享學習的樂趣, 回家只記得今天書包裡有沒有字條。我們客氣的請老師之後用email和我們溝通, 不希望字條抹滅了兒子對學校和學習的熱忱, 畢竟一個六歲孩子的自制力需要時間慢慢培養。然而老師堅持以手寫字條, 放進孩子書包裡的方式來溝通, 這樣兒子才會對自己的行為負責。我們做家長要有心理準備, 這就是她的教學理念, 不管事情大小, 只要兒子做了不對的選擇, 老師就會以字條或送校長室來向家長報備。

我一直相信老師和家長是「教育合作夥伴」的這個理念。今天我突然對這個想法有了新的解讀: 和一位擇善固執的老師合作就像是相親結婚, 在完全不知道對方來歷和個性的情況下變成了夥伴, 踏上同一條路, 邊走邊學何時應該堅持, 何時應該閉嘴, 何時應該一笑置之。心裡時時謹記著以禮相待, 希望不久的將來能夠互相信任, 為培育一個好孩子一同努力。

唯一不同的地方, 大概就是相親結婚的來日方長, 孩子的老師可是每年都會換的。我有信心, 兒子遲早會一步一步的適應改進。 我們也會好好加油, 一步一步的讓今年的「相親結婚」有個美好的結局。

Hot Lunch to the Rescue 吃冷飯的日子

School has started for two weeks now. I am fighting school germs and busy taking care of the little ones at the same time. Although it might be hard for my mommy friends in Taiwan to understand, one of my most difficult tasks every day is prepping the kids' lunch. 

Why don't you just buy from the school lunch program? Well, I would love to do so just to save some energy. However, here is the reality of the "healthy" elementary school lunch. For $2.75, you can get a main item, a carton of milk, and voluntary pickings at the salad bar. The main item varies daily - pizza, bean burrito, nuggets, all reheated in bulk from frozen plastic packages. Once in a while, you will have the spaghetti "special" - pulpy, mushy and canned-food looking. Would any adults enjoy lunch like this on a daily basis? I highly doubt it. 

Why don't you just pack some left-overs from last night's dinner? Well, I would love to do so just to save my sanity. However, here is the reality of the "no heating provided" school policy. You packed the once steaming and delicious fried rice, saute vegetables and a pork chop in a lunch box. You put it in the fridge and the kid takes it to school at 8 am in the morning. By noon, it's still fried rice, veggies and pork chop. But it's cold (lukewarm in summer), reeking grease, and difficult to swallow. Would any adults enjoy lunch like this on a daily basis? I definitely don't.

And my little girl's preschool has a "no lunch program, no heating provided" policy. Yes, you might say I am too picky about food. Lunch is not a big deal. Bring a bagged sandwich, chips, and a drink. Kids will adapt. They will be just fine. 

I know that. But I am Asian. I am a F.O.B.BY Chinese mom. I want my kids to eat well. In my family, I make freshly cooked hot food plus soup for lunch and dinner. I remember when I was little, every kid in the elementary school had the same stainless lunch box with a name tag. All the lunch boxes would be heated in an industrial size steamer at the school kitchen. Two student helpers from each class would carry them back to the classroom by noon for lunch time. It was always a fun surprise as I opened the lid to reveal what's inside. If I found one thing that was not left-over from dinner last night, a smile would come on my face that my mom or my grandma made the extra effort, just for me. Peeping into my friends' lunch boxes was also very exciting. I couldn't help but being jealous of who had a big piece of chicken leg or a yummy stewed egg.

To me, food is a representation of culture. It's part of who we are no matter where we are. So far, my little ones had endured a variety of bagged sandwiches and snack bars for lunch for two weeks. I am running out of ideas. Maybe it's time to buy the lunch jar that keeps food warm for up to 3 hours. Would any adult like to try lunch like this on a daily basis?

開學快兩周了, 我忙進忙出的接送打雜, 學校的病菌也很快的入侵了家裡。在台灣的媽媽朋友們應該很難想像吧, 每天讓我很煩惱的主婦事務之一, 居然是幫孩子準備午餐便當。

為什們不買小學營養午餐就好了呢? 為了省事, 其實我也很想。$2.75可以有一份主食, 一罐牛奶,和自取的沙拉吧 (是有哪個小學生會主動拿生菜來吃? )。主食每天更換 - 比薩 ,豆泥捲餅, 或是雞塊, 全部都是冷凍食品, 在塑膠包裝裡加熱的。有時候會有義大利麵「特餐」 - 很濕, 很軟, 很像寵物罐頭倒出來。有哪位成年人想天天吃小學「營養」午餐嗎?

為什麼不帶昨天晚餐剩的就好了呢? 為了少點白頭髮, 其實我也很想。但是學校不幫忙加熱便當。晚餐時把香噴噴熱騰騰的炒飯, 蔬菜和排骨裝進便當放冰箱, 早上8點孩子帶去學校, 中午拿出來吃的時候還是炒飯, 蔬菜和排骨, 只是變的又冷, 又硬, 還泛油 (夏天暑熱可能還會莫名其妙的微溫)。有哪位成年人想天天吃冰過又沒熱的便當嗎?

3歲女兒上的preschool更妙, 不提供營養午餐, 也不幫忙加熱午餐。我承認, 我對食物很挑剔。大部分家長會覺得午餐沒大不了的, 三明治加餅乾和飲料就解決一餐。孩子適應力很強, 會習慣的。

這道理我也懂。可我是個台灣媽 , 可能在美國一輩子都還像個新移民的媽媽。我想要我的孩子吃好睡飽, 在家裡吃飯都有熱的飯菜和湯可以享用。記得小時候在台北上學的時候, 所有的小學生都有個不銹鋼便當加名牌, 早上兩個值日生抬著全班的便當去學校廚房蒸熱, 中午再抬回來大家在教室一起吃。每天把便當蓋掀開時都是一份期待, 要是發現了一樣昨天晚餐沒有的東西, 我就會得意的趕緊吃掉, 開心想著是媽媽, 還是奶奶幫我特別加菜了呢! 偷看同學的便當裡有什麼也是每天午餐時的樂趣, 誰帶了隻大雞腿, 誰有個好吃的滷蛋, 羨慕讚嘆的聲音此起彼落。

對我來說,不管身在何處, 食物都是我的一部分, 是文化的表徵。孩子們吃冷飯的日子持續了兩周, 三明治我也實在變不出什麼花樣了, 也許是時候來買個保溫便當盒, 據說可以保溫3小時。有哪位成年人想試試天天吃保溫便當飯嗎?

The Only Thing You Need to Do 書讀好就好

Last month I was having brunch with some old friends. We were joking about how strict our parents used to be with us and how blindly they are spoiling their grand kids right now. VERY BIG DIFFERENCE.

When I was little, my father traveled around the world, trying to look for business opportunities to be an entrepreneur. My mother held a steady job, working as a customer service representative at an American-owned shipping company. So, my Nana was my main caregiver. She is the traditional type of grandma who lives in Taiwan for most of her life but somehow her mind still stays in the 30's in China.

At age 2, I was a little princess. Nana didn't allow me to play outdoors in order to avoid injuries and getting tanned. She used to say, "You can't win the first title in the Chinese Beauty Pageant if you have an ugly scar or tanned skin."  Well, the result of her over-protection was I fell into an open sewer. It was during our once-in-a-long long time stroll outside the apartment building. I got a huge black eye plus a couple of stitches on the corner of my right eye. That tiny scar always stayed with me. And Nana never mentioned the Chinese Beauty Pageant again.

When I was in elementary school, my parents' marriage started to fall apart. My mother had a second job working at McDonald's to pay off the debt from my father's several failed business. Either one of them had time for me. Nana was busy taking care of my newborn cousin. My sister was just a preschooler who could barely talk. My mother used to say, "The only thing you need to do is study. There is nothing else you need to worry about."  Ever since then, I never asked questions about anything. I never needed to do chores. I never needed to care what happened at home. I never needed to make choices. The only thing I needed to do was study.

Years had gone by since the last time I had to study. I had a few more scars. And I never took part in a Chinese Beauty Pageant. My mother managed to pay off all debts and put us through private high school and college. When I first moved to the States living at a good friend's house, I didn't know how to do a load of laundry. I discovered that trash stinks if you don't take it out after a couple of days.

While my mother and my in-laws are doing a great job spoiling their grand kids, I continue to be the difficult mother training my kids to be more independent and self-sufficient. 

My little ones, if there is only one thing you need to do, I want you to CARE. I want you to care about yourself, the people in your life, the choices you make, and the decisions that make you who you are. 

Maybe that's a bit too much for you to comprehend. Why don't we start by finishing your breakfast by 7:45 am right now? It's a way to care for your mother's well being, and get a head start on finding a parking space at your school before it gets crazy.

之前和幾個好友一起聚餐, 大家隨口聊著小時候爸媽對我們的要求有多嚴格, 現在卻對孫子孫女完全盲目的疼愛縱容, 差別實在很大。

小時候我的父親很少在家, 在世界各地找機會, 想開公司當老闆。我的母親在美商運輸公司有份朝九晚五的工作。我的奶奶是位溫柔堅毅的老太太, 住在台灣超過半輩子, 想法卻還是三零年代的上海灘。她一口飯一首小調兒, 一把鵝毛扇一塊兒手帕的把我當名門閨秀在養, 到了2歲也不給出門曬太陽。「儂曬得喀黑皮膚, 摔個疤, 哪能拿中國小姐第一名, 是伐!」奶奶的吳儂軟語如是說。結果, 盼了好久才出門一次, 不過就在樓下散個步, 我馬上就一個踉嗆摔進大水溝裡, 右眼瘀青加縫了兩針, 眼尾的小疤一直跟著我, 奶奶也再沒提過中國小姐的事。

唸小學的時候父親生意未成, 身邊也有了別人。母親白天是外商公司的粉領階級, 晚上是在麥當勞翻肉餅炸薯條的基層員工。她身兼二份工作, 扛下了父親的債務。奶奶要照顧剛出生的堂弟, 我妹妹是個愛哭的小鬼頭, 大家都很忙。母親常對我說,「妳只要把書讀好就好, 其他什麼都不用管。」的確, 我什麼也沒管, 沒有做過家務, 沒有多問父母的事, 沒有做過抉擇, 唯一做了的事, 就是讀書。

書讀了很多年, 傷疤多了幾個, 從來也沒想過選中國小姐。我的母親償清了債務, 妹妹和我一路私立學校念到畢業。我隻身來美第一年住在朋友家裡, 連洗衣機都不會用, 發現垃圾原來兩天不丟, 就會發臭。

在母親和我公婆努力寵愛孫子孫女的同時, 我堅持做個要求很多的媽媽, 希望孩子能夠獨立, 慢慢從小事學會打理自己。

如果孩子一生只要做好一件事, 我希望他們學會「關心」。關懷自己, 感念身邊的人, 慎重處理生命中的大小選擇, 決定之後努力成就自己。

也許這對6歲和3歲的孩子來說, 還太深太難懂。不然, 你們就從簡單的開始做起吧! 每天早上在7:45前乖乖吃完早餐, 這樣我們才能趕快出門, 在其他900個學生都來上學前搶到停車位。這, 絕對是一種感念媽媽身心健康的表現。