Danger on Campus 校園裡的危機

The news broke out in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. A 7 year old boy in third grade from a local elementary school was accused of sexually harassing a girl, twice, over a 6 weeks period during school hours.

The girl's mother passed out 200 flyers outside of the elementary school, protesting the school only suspended the boy for one day when the first alleged harassment happened. This time the school district gave her two options: the boy can be transferred to another classroom, or her daughter can go to a different school. Neither options sounded fair or good enough to the mother.The flyer reads:

The mother said that she wasn't there passing out fliers just for her own child. She was there fighting for all the children. Earlier this week, the district superintendent said that the boy would not return to the same campus.

This incident raised the concerns of many parents in the community. Some found it horrific and hard to believe. Some worried the boy is now in their home school. Some said they plan to have their daughters attend self-defense classes. Some think the school is not the one to blame, only the boy is at fault.

I just feel deeply sorry about this whole thing.

I feel sorry for the girl whose innocence and sense of security at school was taken away.

I feel sorry for the girl who continues to live in this trauma due to how adults handle things.

I feel sorry for the boy who might not know his mistake is something the society can't tolerate.

I feel sorry for the boy who was labelled and cast away at the age of 7.

Whose fault is it? 

Should the school provide better supervision?

Does everyone feel much safer without this boy on campus?

Do the kids know how to stand up or speak up for themselves when there's danger?

Is this just a quick-fix for "justice" or do both kids need more help and counseling in the future?

Whether we choose to care or not, unfortunate incidents are happening on campus somewhere in this world. As a parent, my instinct is to protect my own children. My job is to teach them right from wrong, and to always love them no matter what. As a teacher, my instinct is to take care my own students. My job is to teach them right from wrong, and to give them a chance of being better no matter what.

At this point of time, I feel fortunate.

I feel fortunate that my boy and my girl are safe and sound.

I feel fortunate that most kids I know are beloved and cared for.

I feel fortunate that most parents I know devote themselves to be better at parenting.

I feel fortunate that we are more aware of the  importance of family education and campus safety. 

But can we find it in ourselves to see that they are kids in third grade?

The weigh of being labelled as "predator" and "victim", is it too much for them to carry?
Can the school and parents help both kids move beyond, and find peace eventually?

這兩周來學區內家長們的話題總離不開這條新聞 - 一個不到8歲的小學三年級男同學, 涉嫌對一位女同學有不雅猥褻的舉動, 而且在6個星期內發生了第2次。

女同學的母親在小學門口發放近200份的傳單，不滿校方第一次的懲處只將男同學停課一天, 抗議校方第二次的處理是給她兩個選擇 - 女兒可以轉校, 或是男同學可以轉班。女同學的母親表示, 她用傳單將這件事公諸於世, 不只是為了她自己的女兒, 而是為了讓更多家長知道, 如果這個男同學不轉校, 你的小孩可能也將遭遇同樣的情況。她的女兒是整件事的受害者, 要求她轉校是不合理的。一個星期過後, 學區正式表示這位男同學將被轉學。

這個事件引發了我身邊很多家長的擔心和疑慮。有人覺得不可思議, 小小年紀怎麼會做這種事。有人害怕, 這男同學該不會轉到我家這個小學了吧! 有人說以後一定要讓女兒學防身術保護自己。也有人認為跟學區槓上其實沒什麼好處, 畢竟錯是在這男同學身上。

我只覺得喉嚨裡哽著什麼的難過。難過這小女孩失去了天真, 失去了對同學和學校安全的信任。難過她因為大人的處理方式, 被重複提醒困在這不幸的事件當中。難過這小男孩可能根本不知道, 他的過錯在成人世界裡是罪不可赦。難過這小男孩被貼上標籤, 遣送離開學校。

這, 到底是誰的錯?

是學校沒有嚴加監督學生的行為嗎?

小男孩轉學後, 原本校園裡的孩子都覺得安全多了嗎?

如果我們的孩子遇上這樣的狀況, 懂得要大叫反抗或馬上通報老師嗎?

小男孩轉了學就代表「正義」伸張? 還是兩個孩子需要的其實是心理諮詢和輔導?

不管我們是否關心或正視, 這樣不幸的事件都可能在世界上某個學校裡發生著。我是個母親, 我的本能反應就是保護我的孩子, 教導他們是非對錯, 並永遠無條件的愛他們。我也是個老師, 我的本職就是照護我的學生, 教導他們是非對錯, 並相信他們有改過和進步的可能。

我覺得很幸運。

此時此刻, 我的兒子和女兒安全無慮。大部份我認識的孩子都被家長用愛寶貝著。大部份我認識的家長都盡心盡力的想當更好的父母。因為這個不幸的事件, 我們都更正視家庭教育和校園安全的重要性。

不幸的事件誰都不願意發生。但是在我們的心裡, 能否記得這兩個不過是7歲的孩子?

「猥褻者」和「受害者」的標籤, 是不是他們生命中能承受之重?

學校和家長能不能幫助這兩個孩子, 有力量走出這個不幸的事件, 找回心裡的平靜?