Partners in Education 教育合作夥伴

My little guy has been quite excited since first grade has started. I'm not sure if he finds the new curriculum interesting or he just plain enjoys the recess. 

Last year, all kindergarten students played at a separated playground (away from the bigger kids) for safety reasons. As a first grader, it's his first time playing on the big blacktop and grass area. Of course the "no running on the blacktop" rule still applies. But that doesn't stop the little guy from having fun with his friends. When he comes home, he looks tired but still can't wait to share about his day: story time, math games, the science lab, computer keyboard practice, and PE...etc. I was glad my little guy stays true to himself - enthusiastic, expressive, and kinesthetic. 

However, two weeks ago, we received a note from his teacher, indicating my little guy "chose not to follow directions the first time". We took it as a big deal. The little guy told us that he was talking to his friend during carpet time. When the teacher asked him to stop, he continued to talk more after she turned around. He misbehaved indeed. I asked him to write an apology letter to his teacher. He lost his cartoon time on that day. And I wrote an email to his teacher, thanking her for sharing this with us and reassuring that we support her classroom management plan. We would continue to work with the little guy at home.

The next day, my little guy was sent to the principal's office. We took it as an even bigger deal. What happened? He said he was playing a tagging game with his friends on the blacktop. The lunch supervisors asked them to stop running but they didn't listen. After a second reminder, four of them were sent to the principal's office. The principal told them if this happens again, they will be suspended from school. On top of that, my little guy was in trouble for "being disrespectful" - he asked the lunch supervisors why he needed to see the principal.

I admit, my little guy lacks of self-control and questions way too much. However, is the consequence a bit too harsh? We tried to clarify the situation with his teacher through emails. She confirmed that it's at the lunch supervisors' discretion about how to handle misbehavior on the playground. In the following week, we received more notes from his teacher - touching PE equipment when the teacher was giving directions, reading a book when the librarian was telling them to line up, helping a friend doing a project during quiet work time.

I know, my little guy can't keep his hands to himself and needs to mind his own business. However, sending a note home so frequently puts a lot of stress on the whole family. It has become the only thing my little guy remembered about his day. We kindly asked the teacher to communicate with us through emails. A 6 years old boy will mature, preferably overnight, but gradually in reality. The little guy's teacher believes her method is well-planned and effective. Children need to take ownership of their actions. We should be prepared to receive a note, minor issues or not, as long as it's a bad choice of my little guy's behalf.

As a teacher, I have always believed parents and teachers should be partners in education. Today, as a parent, I came to this conclusion - working with a very dedicated teacher is like being in an arranged marriage. You become partners blindly without any prior knowledge of each other. You walk down the aisle learning when to speak up, when to shut up, and when to laugh it up. Hopefully one day, all in a respectful manner, you gain trust of each other and head for the greater good - nurturing a good child. 

The only difference is an arranged marriage lasts happily or bitterly longer. Your child gets a new teacher each year. I am sure my little guy will learn to behave and adapt, one step at a time. We will also learn to make the arranged marriage work, one step at a time.

上一年級似乎對兒子來說是件開心的大事, 上學第一個星期就回來說「我愛一年級!」到底喜歡的是什麼, 新的課程? 還是純粹下課可以在大操場玩耍? 這我就不敢說了。

學校為了安全起見, 去年上幼稚園時有一個分開的小操場讓孩子們玩, 今年上一年級終於可以在大操場打球玩耍。雖然校規嚴禁在水泥操場上奔跑, 兒子每天和朋友還是玩得很開心, 回家後滔滔不絕的分享聽了什麼故事, 玩了什麼數學遊戲, 科學教室裡有什麼器材, 電腦課可以練習鍵盤打字, 體育課又做了什麼運動。我還在想這小子適應的不錯嘛, 上了一年級還是一樣熱忱, 表達力豐富, 活動力也很強。

沒想到兩星期前, 我們收到了一張老師寫的字條, 上面圈寫著兒子「選擇不立刻聽從老師的指示」。這聽起來是件大事。兒子說他上課時跟同學說話, 老師制止他後, 一轉身他就非要把沒說完的告一段落。這的確是他不聽勸。我取消了他當天的卡通時間, 讓他寫了一封信給老師認錯, 又寫了一封email謝謝老師通知我們, 強調我們會好好和兒子解釋上課要專心, 不要說話擾亂大家學習。

隔天, 兒子被送進了校長室。我們覺得這是件很嚴重的事。兒子說他和其他3個同學玩捉人的遊戲, 午間的導護義工告誡他們不能在水泥操場上奔跑, 勸了兩次沒聽, 一行4人就被送去了校長室。校長說如果他們再不守規矩, 就要受到停課處置 。兒子比其他3個同學更罪加一等 ─ 「選擇不尊重師長」, 因為他疑惑的問導護義工為什麼他要去校長室。

我承認, 兒子實在自制力很低而且太多話。但是在操場奔跑不聽勸就進了校長室, 是不是有點矯枉過正? 我們寫了email 詢問老師, 老師說午間的導護義工可以看情形, 全權決定處置為何。之後的一個星期, 我們又陸續收到了三張老師寫的字條: 體育老師在講解遊戲規則時, 兒子在東摸西摸遊戲道具； 圖書館時間結束該排隊了, 兒子邊走邊看書沒有闔上；課堂上該安靜做作業時, 兒子忙著教隔壁女同學怎麼寫才對。

我知道, 兒子實在管不好自己又愛管別人閒事。但是每兩天一張字條讓家裡的氣壓持續低迷, 兒子也不再分享學習的樂趣, 回家只記得今天書包裡有沒有字條。我們客氣的請老師之後用email和我們溝通, 不希望字條抹滅了兒子對學校和學習的熱忱, 畢竟一個六歲孩子的自制力需要時間慢慢培養。然而老師堅持以手寫字條, 放進孩子書包裡的方式來溝通, 這樣兒子才會對自己的行為負責。我們做家長要有心理準備, 這就是她的教學理念, 不管事情大小, 只要兒子做了不對的選擇, 老師就會以字條或送校長室來向家長報備。

我一直相信老師和家長是「教育合作夥伴」的這個理念。今天我突然對這個想法有了新的解讀: 和一位擇善固執的老師合作就像是相親結婚, 在完全不知道對方來歷和個性的情況下變成了夥伴, 踏上同一條路, 邊走邊學何時應該堅持, 何時應該閉嘴, 何時應該一笑置之。心裡時時謹記著以禮相待, 希望不久的將來能夠互相信任, 為培育一個好孩子一同努力。

唯一不同的地方, 大概就是相親結婚的來日方長, 孩子的老師可是每年都會換的。我有信心, 兒子遲早會一步一步的適應改進。 我們也會好好加油, 一步一步的讓今年的「相親結婚」有個美好的結局。