所以當媽媽不知道該怎麼教養小孩時, 要問誰? 所有有小孩的人都會心有戚戚焉的聽你抱怨, 沒小孩的人也可以熱血沸騰發表養寵物的經驗, 要是問到個老師或是教練, 說起獎懲孩子總好像是個權威。但我總覺得,不管別人的方法多好, 建議多誠懇, 自己的孩子該怎麼教, 好像還是得自己斟酌看著辦。
我四歲半的兒子打小就是個開心友善的寶貝, 1歲半坐在推車裡就猛跟陌生人傻笑揮手。開始學說話後觀察力超強, 記得媽媽怎麼開車才是回家的路。三歲開始上學後好喜歡老師和同學, 周末還沮喪的問為什麼學校不開門。4歲左右愛耍寶, 更愛上老卡通"Tom&Jerry", 去公園五分鐘內跟其他陌生小孩變很熟打成一片。但是多話熱忱的一體兩面, 就是愛管閒事, 碎嘴, 和缺乏自我控制。常常在上課時急著要聊天, 午餐時忙著搞笑忘了吃飯, 跆拳道練習時在關心新同學, 顧不了要站直排隊。最後結果就是一天到晚被帶離現場, 到旁邊去冷靜。在老師和教練多次失去耐性後, 兒子在其他同學和家長前有心無意的被貼了標籤。
每個小男孩都有這樣的過渡期嗎? 我想每個孩子都有些獨一無二的狀況。我承認兒子常常在測試我的耐心極限, 使盡所有以前用來教學生的把戲之後, 我還是沒有建立任何老師的威嚴, 在兒子眼裡, 我就只是媽媽而已。昨天又為了在跆拳道愛說話發了他一頓脾氣, 忽然在鏡子裡看見我皺眉咆嘯的臉孔, 很猙獰。
不管今後兒子表現如何, 我還是會一直學習怎麼做個更好的媽媽。我還是會蹲下用他的高度聽他說話, 真心接受他的反省。我還是會抱著他在睡前說個故事, 讓他知道媽媽愛他, 在媽媽心裡他永遠是個寶貝。
教養孩子的路還很長很長, 希望我時時提醒自己, 不要忘記在獎懲之間, 一顆做母親溫柔的心。
For all the parents out there, did anyone tell you raising a child is a lesson you need to constantly work on every second of the day? No one ever told me that before I brought two lives into this world. And the scary part is, there isn't a specific authority go-to figure who can always give you the right answers when you don't know what to do. It's not like you want chicken nuggets, you go straight to McDonalds. You want a $1 movie, you find a RedBox. You see suspicious activities, you call the cops.
Therefore, anyone who has kids can be the professional in parenting. Anyone who doesn't have kids can be also be a parenting expert providing a different perspective. Not to mention teachers, conselors, and coaches, their insights on how to praise and discipline kids are highly valued as well. But the truth is, no matter what the other parenting gurus say, when it comes to your own child, you should be the one making the best judgement and decisions.
My 4 and half years old son is a very happy, observant, friendly and expressive boy. When he was 18 months old, he would smile and wave at strangers when I pushed him in the stroller. When he started talking, he recognized the streets in our neighborhood and Grandma's house. When he started preschool at 3, he couldn't wait to tell me his day. And he asked to go to school during the weekends. When he was 4, he enjoyed "Tom& Jerry" so much and would make friends with any random child in the park within 5 minutes.
However, from a different perspective, my sweet boy, is also very whiny, nosy, chatty and lack of internal self-control. At preschool, he tries to chat with his buddies during instructional time. At school lunch, he tries to be funny and couldn't finish his food. At Taekwondo practice, he wants to know the new kid's name and can't stand in a straight line. So it turns out, he gets time-outs a lot. And sometimes, unintentionally but inappropriately, gets singled out by teachers and coaches in front of other children and parents.
Are all boys his age like this? I don't know. Every child is unique in his/her own way. But I do know at times, my son is pushing my level of patience. Yesterday, I saw how ugly my face was in the mirror when I yelled at him. After trying all my teacher strategies, (plus the Chinese parenting books saying "not" to reward or threaten your child), I failed to establish my teacher authority to my son. After all, I'm just his mommy. In the mean while, he continues to be who he is - happy, observant, friendly and expressive on one day; whiny, nosy, chatty and lack of self-control on another.
I realized no matter how my son did at school or at Taekwondo, how he got lectured or time-outs by teachers, coaches or even us, at the end of the day, he is still just my little boy. I would still kneel down to his height, listen to what happened to his day and how he promised to do better. I would still read him a bedtime story and give him a long hug, tell him I love him very much and how special he is in my heart.
Between all the rewards and consequences, please don't let me forget the tenderness in a mother's heart.
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