The Teacher's Note 請簽名歸還

事情是從一張皺巴巴的爛紙條開始的。

那天兒子一放學回家, 照慣例, 馬上就急著要玩要和妹妹鬥嘴, 總是要三催四請才慢吞吞的把書包裡的東西拿出來歸位 (我準備了in box 讓他自己放從學校帶回來的東西, 我晚上有空時才去翻閱整理)。他放好了一堆拉雜東西後, 從書包裡又拿了張紙出來, 「老師說要你簽名」, 直接交到我手裡就轉頭去玩了。好小子! 開學才不到兩個月, 老師的第一張紙條就來了! 上面罰寫了一遍「我會遵守校規」, 老師請家長簽名歸還, 其他什麼都沒有。重點是, 發生了什麼事呢?

我偷瞄了一下兒子, 完全沒有心虛偽善的樣子。「今天在學校有乖嗎?」「有啊!」看來我得換個方法問,「為什麼老師叫你寫這個句子呢? 你想想看, 是不是有不聽話被老師說了?」兒子這會兒停下來認真想了一下, 「喔, 老師說不可以頭朝下溜滑梯, 很危險。然後叫我坐在旁邊不准玩了。」呼, 還好還好, 小錯, 可以更正。我碎嘴訓誡了 一番, 又解釋了頭朝下溜滑梯可能頭破血流很可怕之類, 就簽了名放回書包的聯絡夾裡, 叮嚀兒子明天一早放進教室老師的in box裡。第二天放學, 兒子一臉悶悶不樂, 委屈的說老師又罰他坐在操場邊不准玩, 因為老師問起昨天媽媽簽名的紙條時, 他一下想不起來放在哪了, 老師就認定他沒帶回去, 馬上再度處罰。其實兒子一早就把聯絡夾交回in box了, 老師完全沒有去看一下。

這樣的懲罰適當嗎? 哪裡有說明若隔天沒有簽名歸還, 孩子就要二度受罰呢? 由一個5歲孩子代替老師跟家長溝通, 這樣合理嗎? 老爺叫我不要太介意, 只是件小事, 才剛開學沒多久, 老師又知道我也是教職人員, 合理的詢問也很容易被誤認為批判 。好吧, 人生本來就不公平, 受點委屈, 讓兒子趁早有個小教訓也好。跟兒子聊了一下已經5歲了, 自己的東西自己要負責云云, 吃了點冰淇淋, 我看他也釋懷得很快。那天晚上我寫了email 告訴老師紙條早已交回, 其他什麼都沒說。

突然想起我還在教書時用的behavior chart。從一開學就和家長和學生說明獎懲辦法, 放在教室前方人人清楚可見的地方, 用不同顏色的色卡來鼓勵良好表現的學生, 也提醒行為需要修正的孩子留意言行, 在上課時不需要為了管理秩序而中斷教學, 也沒有突如其來, 動輒得咎的處罰方式。若當天有特殊的獎懲情況, 放學後我都以簡短紙條或email馬上通知家長。

在兒子的教室裡, 我也見過一模一樣的behavior chart。掛在一堆灰塵僕僕的勞作紙後方, 被圖釘釘著的過期周報半蓋著, 上面仍標示著不知是哪年的學生名字。

是啊, 簽名歸還一張老師的紙條, 不難。但是做一個恰如其分的teacher mom, 很難。

It all started with a piece of wrinkled lined paper back in October.

My little guy pulled a paper out from his backpack and handed it to me, " My teacher said you have to sign this." Then off he went to play with his toys. I opened the folded paper. Ah, here we go, my wormy little guy's first teacher note. It looked like the little guy was asked to write a sentence: " I will follow school rules." And the teacher wanted us to sign and return it.

"Did you have a good day?" I was puzzled about what happened. The little guy paused for a second and said, "Yeah!" Hmm, maybe I should ask in a different way. "Why did your teacher ask you to write this sentence? Did you you get in trouble today?" He stopped playing for a minute and said, "Oh, now I remembered. My teacher said I can't slide head down first on the play structure. It's dangerous."

Whew! Ok, not too bad, it was a minor misbehavior. So I reminded him about playground rules, signed the paper and returned it in his homework folder. The next day, the little guy looked unhappy when I picked him up after school. He didn't have his recess but sat on a bench for a time-out. (If you have kids, you know how important recess is to them!) What was the reason? He said when the teacher asked him about the paper, he forgot where it was. (If you have a 5 years old, you know everything needs to be in plain sight or it's considered gone!) The little guy actually followed my direction and returned the homework folder with the paper in there. He just couldn't remember at that moment. And his teacher didn't bother to check first but sent him straight for another punishment.

Was that a fair consequence? Did the note indicate double punishment if it isn't signed and returned the next day? Is it appropriate to rely on a 5 year old's words to communicate with parents? My big guy told me not to make this into a big deal. Concerns from a teacher mom could easily be mistaken as criticism. Well, I guess life isn't always fair. So I talked the little guy about taking responsibilities. He listened and after a bowl of ice cream, he almost forgot all about losing recess. Later that night, I emailed the teacher and told her the whereabouts of the note, nothing else.

All of a sudden, I thought of the color-coded behavior chart I had in the past teaching years. It was a powerful tool for me to monitor students behavior without interrupting the class. Students could see it in front of the classroom as a visual reminder without being put on the spot. Steps to rewards and different levels of consequences were clearly explained to parents and reinforced with students throughout the year. A quick note or email would follow to communicate with parents about any issues occurred during the school day.

Being a parent volunteer every Thursday, I have seen the same  color-coded chart in my little guy's classroom. It is behind a pile of dusty construction paper, pinned under some old school newsletters, and still labeled with student names from who knows which school year.

I know, it's not hard to just sign and return the teacher's note. But it is very hard not to be a questioning teacher mom.

First Day of School 第一天上學

While we were still getting over jet-lag from our Taiwan trip, my little guy's first day of kindergarten was around the corner already. As usual, I got stressed out about this than I really needed to be. What kind of teacher will he have? Is she caring and patient? Is she organized and knowledgeable? Will my little guy make friends and learn happily? Lots for me to wonder and the answers remain unknown until much later.

As I expected, my little guy was quite nervous the day before. We took him to the school yard for a tour in the afternoon. Before bedtime, we read the story "The Kissing Hand" together to give him some encouragement. Daddy even had a "boys' talk" with him - if you would like to become a police officer when you grow up, you have to go to school and be smarter than the bad guys.

However, my little guy still cried a little bit about wanting to stay home with me and his little sister. I know it always takes a couple of days for him to get used to changes. During the past month in Taipei, it took him quite some time to adjust to the different lifestyle and the art class I signed him up for. But he would be a happy camper as soon as he got familiar with the routines.

September 5, 2012, first day of school, maybe Daddy's police story sank in. My little guy was happy and ready for kindergarten in the morning. He said hi to the teacher and started playing basketball on the playground right away. I watched him outside of the fence with my little girl until he lined up, waved goodbye, and went in the class with the other kids.

Yeah, I made it without crying. As I was walking back to my graciously fought and earned parking space, my heart was filled up with joy. The journey of public education has officially started for my little guy.

  

Kindergarten Inventory Test 幼稚園學前考試

自從二月時我們家兒子抽籤抽中，可以去上家裡附近隸屬的公立小學以後(僧多粥少所以要抽籤)，我就如釋重負的把這件事擱在一旁，繼續過我的家庭主婦安逸日子。直到最近逛街時發現，成群的小鬼頭大白天的就在公共場所亂竄，我才驚覺暑假已經開始了。

咳咳, 這就意味著小學行政人員即將要開始精神鬆懈，於是我神經緊張的決定，最好還是趁早再打通電話去，確認一下沒啥別的事要做，兒子九月可以穩穩當當的開心上學去。

沒想到學校辦公人員放輕鬆的速度比我快，我從早上9點打到下午2點都沒人接。下午3點，總算有人接了電話，1分鐘內將我迅速打發，說一切都沒問題就等開學，在掛我電話之前落下一句「喔，八月份要考一個幼稚園學前考試，之後學校會再通知。」

什麼？我沒聽錯吧！「嗯，請問一下，這是什麼樣的考試？考試的用意是什麼呢?」「考試的結果要用來決定學生的班別，其他的我不清楚，請等學校通知。」就這樣，問不出個所以然來，我只好掛了電話。

一星期之後，學校通知來了，看完了還是一頭霧水。信裡不但沒有告知家長考試的內容，也沒有說明要給五歲小孩考試的用意，只說這是為了讓老師能準備更充分，讓小孩學習會更好，而且還用大寫字母強調學校很忙，請在被指定的時間報到不要囉嗦。

從家長的角度來看，我是一肚子疑問。這是國家的義務教育，連非法移民都可以讀的公立小學，不是私立名校，要大把鈔票，能力測驗，還要通過面試才能就讀。就算要測驗學生的程度，用來幫助老師因材施教，學校卻用這單一考試的成績做學前分班，對求學之路剛開始的5歲孩子來說，公平嗎？以做老師的角度來看，我也曾經在教幼稚園那年做過類似的評量，但那是在已經開學2-3星期之後，我對每個學生都有了相當程度的認識和了解，評量的結果也僅供我個人的教學參考，與學校行政作業或班級分發是完全無關的。

考慮了一下，孩子的爸和我決定冷處理，反正八月回台灣的機票早就訂好了，勢必是沒辦法按時去考試，開心度假回來再看著辦吧！

這年頭，要讓兒子上個學可真不容易啊!

After my son's name had been picked in the kindergarten lottery in February, I felt at ease that he can start school in September with no problems. However, knowing summer break has just started and school office will be closed shortly after,  I got nervous again and decided I should call to make sure there is nothing else we need to do.

I was expecting the school office to answer the phone promptly since all kids are out. Instead, I called every hour from 9am-2pm but no one answered. Finally, someone picked up the phone at 3pm. The office staff on the phone said everything was all set and my son is good to go. Before I could say thank you and hang up the phone, she said, " Oh, he will need to take a test sometime in August before school starts. So we can determine whether he will be in the early or the late bird kindergarten class." (Early bird class is 8:30-11:50 am, late bird class is 9:30 am-12:50 pm, the same teacher teaches the two staggered classes.)

Wait a minute, I thought. "Can you please tell me what the test is about and when it will happen in August? " "No, I don't know. You will just have to wait for a letter from school. It will be mailed to you next week." I said thank you and hung up the phone. I knew I wouldn't get any more information from her.

This week, the mysterious letter has arrived.

I read it from a parent's perspective. The letter provides no information about the test. And it demands you to keep your appointment time because they are very busy. This is a public school, not a private school which children need to test and interview to get in. Even if an assessment needs to be done before school starts, should the result be used to determin which kindergarten class my son will be in? Does this mean the early bird class is full of immature dummies? Does this mean late bird class is full of beyond the grade level geniuses? Should we label 5 years old children based on a single test, which the content is unknown and unavailable to the parents?

Putting all the questions aside, I read it again with a teacher's mind. My first year as a teacher was to teach a kindergarten class. From what I remember, I think this is the inventory test which evaluate a new kindergartener's academic abilities.  The assessment is usually done during the first two weeks "after" a new school year has begun. It helps the teacher get an overview of the students' academic levels so the lessons can be planned accordingly. However, I never heard of this inventory test being administered "before" the kindergarten year starts, nor did the result being used to determine class assignments.

Well, the big guy and I have decided to look at it this way: since we have already booked tickets to visit family in Taiwan for the whole month of August, we will not be able to make it on the assigned appointment date anyways. We will enjoy our vacation and worry about the test later.

Isn't it easy to get my son into a public school kindergarten!


(For more information about kindergarden in California, visit http://www.cde.ca.gov/ci/gs/em/kinderinfo.asp )

Education for the Money 學海無涯, 「錢」頭是岸?

Recently I have read a story written in Mandarin by an annymous Chinese-Jew mom. I found an English version of the story at the link below:

Jewish Heritage of Family Education in Finance - A Story told by a Chinese-Jew Mom

Doesn't it make you wonder the meaning of education?

Most young children I know live comfortably with everything provided by their parents. My own children don't know the difference between gourmet cuisine and fast food. They can't tell the difference between Nordstrom outfits and Good Will second-hands. At such an innocent age, they learn, they grow, and along the way, they acquire knowledge and skills through school and family education. With all that (and maybe a little luck), one day, they will be able to support themselves in life.

Is money important? Of course it is. Through education, many of us found the way to make a living.

But is money the answer to everything?

Education is more than just a means to an end. I want my children to grow through the fun of learning. I want them to genuinely care about family, friends, and people around them.  I want them to share within their means and ask for no return. I want them to repect themselves and others, despite of cultural and social-economical differences.

Being a millionair definitely opens the door to a comforatble and luxurious life. However, the values children learn through education can not be measured by money. And I believe, these value will be what carry them through any unknown obstacles in life.

最近讀了這篇猶太裔中國籍華人的故事，讓我再次思考教育與學習的目的為何。

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1992年，當我輾轉回到以色列的時候，13歲的老大、12歲的老二和10歲的小女兒都還暫時留在中國。 選擇在那時回到以色列，完全是窮途末路：我的父親是猶太人，二戰時逃亡到上海，並在那生下我。母親在我很小的時候就拋棄了我們，12歲那年父親去世，我就成了孤兒。長大後，我在上海銅廠當體力女工。結婚生下3個孩子後，丈夫離我們而去。留在上海，滿眼都是痛苦的回憶。正好那時中以正式建交，懷著一種逃避的心情，我成為了第一批回到以色列的猶太後裔。

初到以色列的日子，比想像中要困難許多。

我不懂得那語言(父親教的古希伯萊語早已不在以色列使用)，不懂得移民優惠政策(新移民可以有一筆安家 費)。在特拉維夫的大街上，我壓根不知道怎樣才能生存下去。我從上海帶去的積蓄只能維持3個月的生活開支，我必須找到賺錢的辦法，還要早日把孩子接到我身邊。
我苦攻希伯萊語，學最基本的生活語言，然後，我在路邊擺了個投資最小的小攤賣春捲。
以色列的官方貨幣是謝克爾，1謝克爾兌換人民幣2塊錢，更小的幣值是雅戈洛，1謝克爾等於100雅戈洛。我的 春捲小攤，每天能賺到十來個謝克爾。當我的小攤生意慢慢穩定下來以後，1993年5月，我把3個孩子都接到了以色列。

孩子們初到以色列的時候，受到了不少鄰居們的責難。以前在國內時，我一直秉承再苦不能苦孩子的原則，到了以色列以後，我依舊做著我合格的中國式媽媽：我把孩子們送去學校讀書，他們上學的時候我賣春捲。 到了下午放學的時候，他們就來春捲攤，我停止營業，在小爐子上面給他們做餛飩下麵條。 一天，當3個孩子圍坐在小爐子旁邊等我做飯的時候，鄰居過來訓斥老大："你已經是大孩子了，你應該學會去幫助你的母親，而不是在這看著母親忙碌，自己就像廢物一樣。 "然後，鄰居轉過頭訓斥我： "不要把那種落後的中國式教育帶到以色列來，別以為生了孩子你就是母親……" 鄰居的話很傷人，我和老大都很難受，回家後，我安慰老大： "沒事的，媽媽能撐住，我喜歡照顧你們。 "可是，老大說： "也許，她說得沒錯。媽媽，讓我試著去照顧弟弟妹妹吧……" 第二天是祈禱日，孩子們中午就放學了。來到我的小攤，老大坐在我旁邊，學著我的樣子把打好的春捲皮包上餡，卷成成品，然後入油鍋去炸。他的動作一開始有些笨拙，但是後來越來越熟練……老大身上的轉變大得連我自己都想不到，除了幫我做春捲，他還提出由他們帶做好的春捲去學校賣給同學。每天早上，他和弟弟妹妹每人帶20個春捲去學校，放學回 來的時候，會把每人 10謝克爾的賣春捲收入全部上交給我。我覺得很心酸，讓他們小小年齡就要擔起生活的擔子。

可是，他們沒有表現出我想像的那種委屈，他們說他們慢慢開始喜歡這種賺錢的感覺了。鄰 居太太經常來跟我聊天，告訴我正規的猶太家庭應該如何運作，應該如何教育孩子：猶太人從來不覺得賺錢是一個需要到達一 定年齡才能開展的活動，與中國的"教育從娃娃抓起"一樣，他們始終覺得"賺錢從娃娃抓起"才是最好的教育方式。
鄰居太太告訴我，在猶太家庭沒有免費的食物和照顧，任何東西都是有價格的，每個孩子都必須學會賺錢，才能獲得自己需要的一切。我覺得這樣的教育手段比較殘酷，不是那麼容易接受。但是，孩子們在學校也被灌輸著這樣的理念。他們比我更容易地接受了這種猶太法則。於是，我決定改變以前在國內對孩子們的習慣，試著培養他們成為猶太人。

首先，我們家確立了有償生活機制，家裡的任何東西都不再無償使用，包括我這個母親提供的餐食和服務。在 家吃一頓飯，需要支付給我100雅戈洛的成本費用，洗一次衣服需要支付50雅戈洛……在收取費用的同時，我給予他們賺錢的機會，我以每個春捲30雅戈洛的價錢批發給他們，他們帶到學校後，可以自行加價出售，利潤部分 可自由支配。 第一天下午回來以後，我得知3個孩子賣春捲的方式竟然截然不同：老三比較老實，按照老價錢，50雅戈洛一個 零售，賺到了400雅戈洛；老二則使用了批發手段，40雅戈洛一個直接將春捲全部賣給了學校餐廳，儘管只200 雅戈洛的利潤，但他告訴我餐廳同意每天讓他送100個春捲去；老大的方式比較出人意料，他在學校舉辦了一個 "帶你走進中國"的講座，由他主講中國國內的見聞，講座噱頭就在於可免費品嘗美味的中國春捲，但是需要買 入場券，每人10雅戈洛，每個春捲都被他精心分割成了10份，他接待了200個聽眾，入場券收入2000雅戈洛，在上繳學校500雅戈洛的場地費用後，利潤 1500雅戈洛。

除了老三的方法在我意料以內之外，老大和老二的經營方式都超出了我的想像。我真的沒有料到，只在短短數日之間，以前只會黏著我撒嬌的孩子就搖身一變成了精明的小猶太商人。他們的學業並沒有因此受到任何影響，為了琢磨出更多更新穎的賺錢方法，他們很努力地去學習和思考——老師授課的內容很對他們胃口，因為沒有奉獻精神之類的說教。

老師問過他們這樣一個問題："當遭到異教徒的襲擊，必須逃命的時候，你會帶著什麼逃走？" 對於這個問 題，回答"錢"或"寶石"是不對的。這是因為，無論是錢還是寶石，一旦被奪走就會完全失去。正確的答案是"教育"。與財物不同，只要人活，教育就不可能被別人奪走。 他們很讚賞老師說的這麼一句話： "如果你想將來成為富翁，就學好眼前的東西，它們將來都會大有用處的……"

當老大在法律課上學習了移民法後，他告訴我像我們這樣的家庭應該可以去移民局領取安家費。我半信半疑去了，結果一下領回了6000謝克爾的安家費，這對我們一家來說可是一筆了不得的財產。然後，老大跟我說因為 他給我提供了資訊，我應該付給他10％的酬金。我猶豫很久，終於決定把600謝克爾這筆大錢給他，他拿到錢後，給我和弟弟妹妹都買了很漂亮的禮物，剩下的錢，他說他會拿去變成更多的錢。老大用這筆酬金郵購了一批在國內很便宜的文具，然後去學校進行售賣，利潤再投入繼續進貨，1年以後他戶頭上的金額就已經超過了 2000謝克爾。

儘管老大很會賺錢，但在實際上，老二比他更領會猶太法則的精髓——猶太人共同的一點是，從事那些不用投入 本錢的行業，從事其他人不做的、無須花錢和投資的工作。當老大在利用國內的資源賺錢的時候，老二也在如此做著，不過，他賺的是不需要成本的精神領域的利潤——老二以他14歲的年齡和文筆，竟然在報紙上開設了自 己的專欄，專門介紹上海的風土人情，每週交稿2篇，每篇1000字，每月8000雅戈洛。老三是女孩子，因為比較矜持，也沒有展露出賺錢方面的才能，但是我在她身上欣慰地看到了猶太人對生活的樂觀和優雅。她學會了煮茶和做點心，每天晚上，她會精心煮一壺紅茶，配上她自創的口味不同的點心，一家人圍坐下來邊吃邊聊 天——老三的點心有點中西合璧的味道，兩個哥哥都很喜歡。 不過，這些點心不是免費的，兩個哥哥支付的點心費用，刨開成本和每天需要交給我的費用外，老三也能活得很滋潤。當我們家的資金越來越豐富的時候，我們一家４口合資開辦了我們家的中國餐廳。我占40％股份、老 大30％、老二20％、老三10％。當我們家的餐廳越來越有名的時候，我也引起了很多關注。當我獲得拉賓的接見後，我成了以色列的名人。此時的我已經完全掌握了希伯萊文，再加上我的母語中文，我最後被以色列國家鑽石公司邀請擔任駐中國首席代表。

當我回國任職的時候，孩子們也跟隨我一起回到了中國，有了中國孩子作為比較對象之後，我方才發覺我的孩子成長得比我想像的還要優秀——在回國之前，每個孩子都去購買了很多以色列產的物品。 回國之後，老師來找我了，她說我的孩子在校園推銷來自以色列的商品，從飾品到民族服裝甚至到子彈殼無所不有，她建議我好好管教一下孩子。我告訴她，我無權干涉我孩子的行為，這是他賺取他們學費的方式——因為，我已經不再負責他們的所有學習費用。老師的眼睛頓時瞪得大大的，她理解不了像我這樣月薪5000美元的母親竟然會不給孩子學費。我請她品嘗一下女兒做的在家售價2塊錢一個的小點心，微笑著告訴她："這是我的 孩子在以色列生活幾年以來，學會猶太法則的產物，我相信他們將來都會成為優秀的人才……"。

在隨後的高考中，老大進入了旅遊高等專科學校，他說他要成為專業的旅遊人才，然後去以色列開辦自己的旅遊公司，壟斷經營中國遊；第二年，老二考入上海外國語學院，他說他的理想是當一個作家，在不需任何投資 和奉獻的前提下賺取利潤；老三說她會去學中國廚藝，當一個頂級的糕點師，然後去開辦全以色列最好的糕點店……

回國以後，我發覺很多中國父母都活在一種左右搖擺的矛盾心態中既希望自己的孩子將來能成為大富翁，卻又 似乎害怕孩子過早地沉迷於金錢——就好像，既希望孩子將來能有個幸福的家庭，卻又害怕孩子現在會早戀一樣。這是一種典型的葉公好龍——猶太人用敲擊金幣的聲音迎接孩子的出世，賺錢是他們人生的終極目標，至於教育、學習都是為了達到這個目標必須經歷的過程——而中國的父母，哪怕心中憧憬無比，但卻從來不肯挑明這個話題。

這句話很難說嗎？其實只是簡單的一句："孩子，我想當一個富豪的媽媽!"
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讀完這篇文章，你是否也在思考教育的價值?

我的孩子有飯吃，有學上，有自己的玩具和房間。沒有窮過，不曉得四菜一湯和只有泡麵米湯的差別。沒有苦過，不知道Zara當季童裝和破內褲得省下做抹布的不同。錢財的確是生存的必須，透過教育而學有所長，更是大多數人的生財之道。

沒錯，我希望將來孩子能自給自足，衣食無缺，若有充裕的錢財是錦上添花，人生能走更寬廣的路。然而人生的成就不只是用錢財就能衡量，我更期望孩子能體會學習新知的美好，看重人與人之間的情分，在能力範圍內無私的分享和付出，懂得自重也尊重別人。

唯有這樣成長的孩子，才懂得如何在未知的關口，拿捏生命的分寸。