Danger on Campus 校園裡的危機

The news broke out in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. A 7 year old boy in third grade from a local elementary school was accused of sexually harassing a girl, twice, over a 6 weeks period during school hours.

The girl's mother passed out 200 flyers outside of the elementary school, protesting the school only suspended the boy for one day when the first alleged harassment happened. This time the school district gave her two options: the boy can be transferred to another classroom, or her daughter can go to a different school. Neither options sounded fair or good enough to the mother.The flyer reads:

The mother said that she wasn't there passing out fliers just for her own child. She was there fighting for all the children. Earlier this week, the district superintendent said that the boy would not return to the same campus.

This incident raised the concerns of many parents in the community. Some found it horrific and hard to believe. Some worried the boy is now in their home school. Some said they plan to have their daughters attend self-defense classes. Some think the school is not the one to blame, only the boy is at fault.

I just feel deeply sorry about this whole thing.

I feel sorry for the girl whose innocence and sense of security at school was taken away.

I feel sorry for the girl who continues to live in this trauma due to how adults handle things.

I feel sorry for the boy who might not know his mistake is something the society can't tolerate.

I feel sorry for the boy who was labelled and cast away at the age of 7.

Whose fault is it? 

Should the school provide better supervision?

Does everyone feel much safer without this boy on campus?

Do the kids know how to stand up or speak up for themselves when there's danger?

Is this just a quick-fix for "justice" or do both kids need more help and counseling in the future?

Whether we choose to care or not, unfortunate incidents are happening on campus somewhere in this world. As a parent, my instinct is to protect my own children. My job is to teach them right from wrong, and to always love them no matter what. As a teacher, my instinct is to take care my own students. My job is to teach them right from wrong, and to give them a chance of being better no matter what.

At this point of time, I feel fortunate.

I feel fortunate that my boy and my girl are safe and sound.

I feel fortunate that most kids I know are beloved and cared for.

I feel fortunate that most parents I know devote themselves to be better at parenting.

I feel fortunate that we are more aware of the  importance of family education and campus safety. 

But can we find it in ourselves to see that they are kids in third grade?

The weigh of being labelled as "predator" and "victim", is it too much for them to carry?
Can the school and parents help both kids move beyond, and find peace eventually?

這兩周來學區內家長們的話題總離不開這條新聞 - 一個不到8歲的小學三年級男同學, 涉嫌對一位女同學有不雅猥褻的舉動, 而且在6個星期內發生了第2次。

女同學的母親在小學門口發放近200份的傳單，不滿校方第一次的懲處只將男同學停課一天, 抗議校方第二次的處理是給她兩個選擇 - 女兒可以轉校, 或是男同學可以轉班。女同學的母親表示, 她用傳單將這件事公諸於世, 不只是為了她自己的女兒, 而是為了讓更多家長知道, 如果這個男同學不轉校, 你的小孩可能也將遭遇同樣的情況。她的女兒是整件事的受害者, 要求她轉校是不合理的。一個星期過後, 學區正式表示這位男同學將被轉學。

這個事件引發了我身邊很多家長的擔心和疑慮。有人覺得不可思議, 小小年紀怎麼會做這種事。有人害怕, 這男同學該不會轉到我家這個小學了吧! 有人說以後一定要讓女兒學防身術保護自己。也有人認為跟學區槓上其實沒什麼好處, 畢竟錯是在這男同學身上。

我只覺得喉嚨裡哽著什麼的難過。難過這小女孩失去了天真, 失去了對同學和學校安全的信任。難過她因為大人的處理方式, 被重複提醒困在這不幸的事件當中。難過這小男孩可能根本不知道, 他的過錯在成人世界裡是罪不可赦。難過這小男孩被貼上標籤, 遣送離開學校。

這, 到底是誰的錯?

是學校沒有嚴加監督學生的行為嗎?

小男孩轉學後, 原本校園裡的孩子都覺得安全多了嗎?

如果我們的孩子遇上這樣的狀況, 懂得要大叫反抗或馬上通報老師嗎?

小男孩轉了學就代表「正義」伸張? 還是兩個孩子需要的其實是心理諮詢和輔導?

不管我們是否關心或正視, 這樣不幸的事件都可能在世界上某個學校裡發生著。我是個母親, 我的本能反應就是保護我的孩子, 教導他們是非對錯, 並永遠無條件的愛他們。我也是個老師, 我的本職就是照護我的學生, 教導他們是非對錯, 並相信他們有改過和進步的可能。

我覺得很幸運。

此時此刻, 我的兒子和女兒安全無慮。大部份我認識的孩子都被家長用愛寶貝著。大部份我認識的家長都盡心盡力的想當更好的父母。因為這個不幸的事件, 我們都更正視家庭教育和校園安全的重要性。

不幸的事件誰都不願意發生。但是在我們的心裡, 能否記得這兩個不過是7歲的孩子?

「猥褻者」和「受害者」的標籤, 是不是他們生命中能承受之重?

學校和家長能不能幫助這兩個孩子, 有力量走出這個不幸的事件, 找回心裡的平靜?

Partners in Education 教育合作夥伴

My little guy has been quite excited since first grade has started. I'm not sure if he finds the new curriculum interesting or he just plain enjoys the recess. 

Last year, all kindergarten students played at a separated playground (away from the bigger kids) for safety reasons. As a first grader, it's his first time playing on the big blacktop and grass area. Of course the "no running on the blacktop" rule still applies. But that doesn't stop the little guy from having fun with his friends. When he comes home, he looks tired but still can't wait to share about his day: story time, math games, the science lab, computer keyboard practice, and PE...etc. I was glad my little guy stays true to himself - enthusiastic, expressive, and kinesthetic. 

However, two weeks ago, we received a note from his teacher, indicating my little guy "chose not to follow directions the first time". We took it as a big deal. The little guy told us that he was talking to his friend during carpet time. When the teacher asked him to stop, he continued to talk more after she turned around. He misbehaved indeed. I asked him to write an apology letter to his teacher. He lost his cartoon time on that day. And I wrote an email to his teacher, thanking her for sharing this with us and reassuring that we support her classroom management plan. We would continue to work with the little guy at home.

The next day, my little guy was sent to the principal's office. We took it as an even bigger deal. What happened? He said he was playing a tagging game with his friends on the blacktop. The lunch supervisors asked them to stop running but they didn't listen. After a second reminder, four of them were sent to the principal's office. The principal told them if this happens again, they will be suspended from school. On top of that, my little guy was in trouble for "being disrespectful" - he asked the lunch supervisors why he needed to see the principal.

I admit, my little guy lacks of self-control and questions way too much. However, is the consequence a bit too harsh? We tried to clarify the situation with his teacher through emails. She confirmed that it's at the lunch supervisors' discretion about how to handle misbehavior on the playground. In the following week, we received more notes from his teacher - touching PE equipment when the teacher was giving directions, reading a book when the librarian was telling them to line up, helping a friend doing a project during quiet work time.

I know, my little guy can't keep his hands to himself and needs to mind his own business. However, sending a note home so frequently puts a lot of stress on the whole family. It has become the only thing my little guy remembered about his day. We kindly asked the teacher to communicate with us through emails. A 6 years old boy will mature, preferably overnight, but gradually in reality. The little guy's teacher believes her method is well-planned and effective. Children need to take ownership of their actions. We should be prepared to receive a note, minor issues or not, as long as it's a bad choice of my little guy's behalf.

As a teacher, I have always believed parents and teachers should be partners in education. Today, as a parent, I came to this conclusion - working with a very dedicated teacher is like being in an arranged marriage. You become partners blindly without any prior knowledge of each other. You walk down the aisle learning when to speak up, when to shut up, and when to laugh it up. Hopefully one day, all in a respectful manner, you gain trust of each other and head for the greater good - nurturing a good child. 

The only difference is an arranged marriage lasts happily or bitterly longer. Your child gets a new teacher each year. I am sure my little guy will learn to behave and adapt, one step at a time. We will also learn to make the arranged marriage work, one step at a time.

上一年級似乎對兒子來說是件開心的大事, 上學第一個星期就回來說「我愛一年級!」到底喜歡的是什麼, 新的課程? 還是純粹下課可以在大操場玩耍? 這我就不敢說了。

學校為了安全起見, 去年上幼稚園時有一個分開的小操場讓孩子們玩, 今年上一年級終於可以在大操場打球玩耍。雖然校規嚴禁在水泥操場上奔跑, 兒子每天和朋友還是玩得很開心, 回家後滔滔不絕的分享聽了什麼故事, 玩了什麼數學遊戲, 科學教室裡有什麼器材, 電腦課可以練習鍵盤打字, 體育課又做了什麼運動。我還在想這小子適應的不錯嘛, 上了一年級還是一樣熱忱, 表達力豐富, 活動力也很強。

沒想到兩星期前, 我們收到了一張老師寫的字條, 上面圈寫著兒子「選擇不立刻聽從老師的指示」。這聽起來是件大事。兒子說他上課時跟同學說話, 老師制止他後, 一轉身他就非要把沒說完的告一段落。這的確是他不聽勸。我取消了他當天的卡通時間, 讓他寫了一封信給老師認錯, 又寫了一封email謝謝老師通知我們, 強調我們會好好和兒子解釋上課要專心, 不要說話擾亂大家學習。

隔天, 兒子被送進了校長室。我們覺得這是件很嚴重的事。兒子說他和其他3個同學玩捉人的遊戲, 午間的導護義工告誡他們不能在水泥操場上奔跑, 勸了兩次沒聽, 一行4人就被送去了校長室。校長說如果他們再不守規矩, 就要受到停課處置 。兒子比其他3個同學更罪加一等 ─ 「選擇不尊重師長」, 因為他疑惑的問導護義工為什麼他要去校長室。

我承認, 兒子實在自制力很低而且太多話。但是在操場奔跑不聽勸就進了校長室, 是不是有點矯枉過正? 我們寫了email 詢問老師, 老師說午間的導護義工可以看情形, 全權決定處置為何。之後的一個星期, 我們又陸續收到了三張老師寫的字條: 體育老師在講解遊戲規則時, 兒子在東摸西摸遊戲道具； 圖書館時間結束該排隊了, 兒子邊走邊看書沒有闔上；課堂上該安靜做作業時, 兒子忙著教隔壁女同學怎麼寫才對。

我知道, 兒子實在管不好自己又愛管別人閒事。但是每兩天一張字條讓家裡的氣壓持續低迷, 兒子也不再分享學習的樂趣, 回家只記得今天書包裡有沒有字條。我們客氣的請老師之後用email和我們溝通, 不希望字條抹滅了兒子對學校和學習的熱忱, 畢竟一個六歲孩子的自制力需要時間慢慢培養。然而老師堅持以手寫字條, 放進孩子書包裡的方式來溝通, 這樣兒子才會對自己的行為負責。我們做家長要有心理準備, 這就是她的教學理念, 不管事情大小, 只要兒子做了不對的選擇, 老師就會以字條或送校長室來向家長報備。

我一直相信老師和家長是「教育合作夥伴」的這個理念。今天我突然對這個想法有了新的解讀: 和一位擇善固執的老師合作就像是相親結婚, 在完全不知道對方來歷和個性的情況下變成了夥伴, 踏上同一條路, 邊走邊學何時應該堅持, 何時應該閉嘴, 何時應該一笑置之。心裡時時謹記著以禮相待, 希望不久的將來能夠互相信任, 為培育一個好孩子一同努力。

唯一不同的地方, 大概就是相親結婚的來日方長, 孩子的老師可是每年都會換的。我有信心, 兒子遲早會一步一步的適應改進。 我們也會好好加油, 一步一步的讓今年的「相親結婚」有個美好的結局。

Hot Lunch to the Rescue 吃冷飯的日子

School has started for two weeks now. I am fighting school germs and busy taking care of the little ones at the same time. Although it might be hard for my mommy friends in Taiwan to understand, one of my most difficult tasks every day is prepping the kids' lunch. 

Why don't you just buy from the school lunch program? Well, I would love to do so just to save some energy. However, here is the reality of the "healthy" elementary school lunch. For $2.75, you can get a main item, a carton of milk, and voluntary pickings at the salad bar. The main item varies daily - pizza, bean burrito, nuggets, all reheated in bulk from frozen plastic packages. Once in a while, you will have the spaghetti "special" - pulpy, mushy and canned-food looking. Would any adults enjoy lunch like this on a daily basis? I highly doubt it. 

Why don't you just pack some left-overs from last night's dinner? Well, I would love to do so just to save my sanity. However, here is the reality of the "no heating provided" school policy. You packed the once steaming and delicious fried rice, saute vegetables and a pork chop in a lunch box. You put it in the fridge and the kid takes it to school at 8 am in the morning. By noon, it's still fried rice, veggies and pork chop. But it's cold (lukewarm in summer), reeking grease, and difficult to swallow. Would any adults enjoy lunch like this on a daily basis? I definitely don't.

And my little girl's preschool has a "no lunch program, no heating provided" policy. Yes, you might say I am too picky about food. Lunch is not a big deal. Bring a bagged sandwich, chips, and a drink. Kids will adapt. They will be just fine. 

I know that. But I am Asian. I am a F.O.B.BY Chinese mom. I want my kids to eat well. In my family, I make freshly cooked hot food plus soup for lunch and dinner. I remember when I was little, every kid in the elementary school had the same stainless lunch box with a name tag. All the lunch boxes would be heated in an industrial size steamer at the school kitchen. Two student helpers from each class would carry them back to the classroom by noon for lunch time. It was always a fun surprise as I opened the lid to reveal what's inside. If I found one thing that was not left-over from dinner last night, a smile would come on my face that my mom or my grandma made the extra effort, just for me. Peeping into my friends' lunch boxes was also very exciting. I couldn't help but being jealous of who had a big piece of chicken leg or a yummy stewed egg.

To me, food is a representation of culture. It's part of who we are no matter where we are. So far, my little ones had endured a variety of bagged sandwiches and snack bars for lunch for two weeks. I am running out of ideas. Maybe it's time to buy the lunch jar that keeps food warm for up to 3 hours. Would any adult like to try lunch like this on a daily basis?

開學快兩周了, 我忙進忙出的接送打雜, 學校的病菌也很快的入侵了家裡。在台灣的媽媽朋友們應該很難想像吧, 每天讓我很煩惱的主婦事務之一, 居然是幫孩子準備午餐便當。

為什們不買小學營養午餐就好了呢? 為了省事, 其實我也很想。$2.75可以有一份主食, 一罐牛奶,和自取的沙拉吧 (是有哪個小學生會主動拿生菜來吃? )。主食每天更換 - 比薩 ,豆泥捲餅, 或是雞塊, 全部都是冷凍食品, 在塑膠包裝裡加熱的。有時候會有義大利麵「特餐」 - 很濕, 很軟, 很像寵物罐頭倒出來。有哪位成年人想天天吃小學「營養」午餐嗎?

為什麼不帶昨天晚餐剩的就好了呢? 為了少點白頭髮, 其實我也很想。但是學校不幫忙加熱便當。晚餐時把香噴噴熱騰騰的炒飯, 蔬菜和排骨裝進便當放冰箱, 早上8點孩子帶去學校, 中午拿出來吃的時候還是炒飯, 蔬菜和排骨, 只是變的又冷, 又硬, 還泛油 (夏天暑熱可能還會莫名其妙的微溫)。有哪位成年人想天天吃冰過又沒熱的便當嗎?

3歲女兒上的preschool更妙, 不提供營養午餐, 也不幫忙加熱午餐。我承認, 我對食物很挑剔。大部分家長會覺得午餐沒大不了的, 三明治加餅乾和飲料就解決一餐。孩子適應力很強, 會習慣的。

這道理我也懂。可我是個台灣媽 , 可能在美國一輩子都還像個新移民的媽媽。我想要我的孩子吃好睡飽, 在家裡吃飯都有熱的飯菜和湯可以享用。記得小時候在台北上學的時候, 所有的小學生都有個不銹鋼便當加名牌, 早上兩個值日生抬著全班的便當去學校廚房蒸熱, 中午再抬回來大家在教室一起吃。每天把便當蓋掀開時都是一份期待, 要是發現了一樣昨天晚餐沒有的東西, 我就會得意的趕緊吃掉, 開心想著是媽媽, 還是奶奶幫我特別加菜了呢! 偷看同學的便當裡有什麼也是每天午餐時的樂趣, 誰帶了隻大雞腿, 誰有個好吃的滷蛋, 羨慕讚嘆的聲音此起彼落。

對我來說,不管身在何處, 食物都是我的一部分, 是文化的表徵。孩子們吃冷飯的日子持續了兩周, 三明治我也實在變不出什麼花樣了, 也許是時候來買個保溫便當盒, 據說可以保溫3小時。有哪位成年人想試試天天吃保溫便當飯嗎?

The Only Thing You Need to Do 書讀好就好

Last month I was having brunch with some old friends. We were joking about how strict our parents used to be with us and how blindly they are spoiling their grand kids right now. VERY BIG DIFFERENCE.

When I was little, my father traveled around the world, trying to look for business opportunities to be an entrepreneur. My mother held a steady job, working as a customer service representative at an American-owned shipping company. So, my Nana was my main caregiver. She is the traditional type of grandma who lives in Taiwan for most of her life but somehow her mind still stays in the 30's in China.

At age 2, I was a little princess. Nana didn't allow me to play outdoors in order to avoid injuries and getting tanned. She used to say, "You can't win the first title in the Chinese Beauty Pageant if you have an ugly scar or tanned skin."  Well, the result of her over-protection was I fell into an open sewer. It was during our once-in-a-long long time stroll outside the apartment building. I got a huge black eye plus a couple of stitches on the corner of my right eye. That tiny scar always stayed with me. And Nana never mentioned the Chinese Beauty Pageant again.

When I was in elementary school, my parents' marriage started to fall apart. My mother had a second job working at McDonald's to pay off the debt from my father's several failed business. Either one of them had time for me. Nana was busy taking care of my newborn cousin. My sister was just a preschooler who could barely talk. My mother used to say, "The only thing you need to do is study. There is nothing else you need to worry about."  Ever since then, I never asked questions about anything. I never needed to do chores. I never needed to care what happened at home. I never needed to make choices. The only thing I needed to do was study.

Years had gone by since the last time I had to study. I had a few more scars. And I never took part in a Chinese Beauty Pageant. My mother managed to pay off all debts and put us through private high school and college. When I first moved to the States living at a good friend's house, I didn't know how to do a load of laundry. I discovered that trash stinks if you don't take it out after a couple of days.

While my mother and my in-laws are doing a great job spoiling their grand kids, I continue to be the difficult mother training my kids to be more independent and self-sufficient. 

My little ones, if there is only one thing you need to do, I want you to CARE. I want you to care about yourself, the people in your life, the choices you make, and the decisions that make you who you are. 

Maybe that's a bit too much for you to comprehend. Why don't we start by finishing your breakfast by 7:45 am right now? It's a way to care for your mother's well being, and get a head start on finding a parking space at your school before it gets crazy.

之前和幾個好友一起聚餐, 大家隨口聊著小時候爸媽對我們的要求有多嚴格, 現在卻對孫子孫女完全盲目的疼愛縱容, 差別實在很大。

小時候我的父親很少在家, 在世界各地找機會, 想開公司當老闆。我的母親在美商運輸公司有份朝九晚五的工作。我的奶奶是位溫柔堅毅的老太太, 住在台灣超過半輩子, 想法卻還是三零年代的上海灘。她一口飯一首小調兒, 一把鵝毛扇一塊兒手帕的把我當名門閨秀在養, 到了2歲也不給出門曬太陽。「儂曬得喀黑皮膚, 摔個疤, 哪能拿中國小姐第一名, 是伐!」奶奶的吳儂軟語如是說。結果, 盼了好久才出門一次, 不過就在樓下散個步, 我馬上就一個踉嗆摔進大水溝裡, 右眼瘀青加縫了兩針, 眼尾的小疤一直跟著我, 奶奶也再沒提過中國小姐的事。

唸小學的時候父親生意未成, 身邊也有了別人。母親白天是外商公司的粉領階級, 晚上是在麥當勞翻肉餅炸薯條的基層員工。她身兼二份工作, 扛下了父親的債務。奶奶要照顧剛出生的堂弟, 我妹妹是個愛哭的小鬼頭, 大家都很忙。母親常對我說,「妳只要把書讀好就好, 其他什麼都不用管。」的確, 我什麼也沒管, 沒有做過家務, 沒有多問父母的事, 沒有做過抉擇, 唯一做了的事, 就是讀書。

書讀了很多年, 傷疤多了幾個, 從來也沒想過選中國小姐。我的母親償清了債務, 妹妹和我一路私立學校念到畢業。我隻身來美第一年住在朋友家裡, 連洗衣機都不會用, 發現垃圾原來兩天不丟, 就會發臭。

在母親和我公婆努力寵愛孫子孫女的同時, 我堅持做個要求很多的媽媽, 希望孩子能夠獨立, 慢慢從小事學會打理自己。

如果孩子一生只要做好一件事, 我希望他們學會「關心」。關懷自己, 感念身邊的人, 慎重處理生命中的大小選擇, 決定之後努力成就自己。

也許這對6歲和3歲的孩子來說, 還太深太難懂。不然, 你們就從簡單的開始做起吧! 每天早上在7:45前乖乖吃完早餐, 這樣我們才能趕快出門, 在其他900個學生都來上學前搶到停車位。這, 絕對是一種感念媽媽身心健康的表現。

Call me a "Dragon Mom" 虎媽別傳

如果你是在美的華裔父母, 你一定聽過什麼是「虎媽」。

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (中譯: 虎媽戰歌) 的作者Amy Chua (蔡美兒) 出生於虎年, 以「虎媽」和耶魯大學法學系教授的身分, 發表了她教養兩位出色女兒的回憶錄以及她做母親的心路歷程 - 對父母絕對的服從與尊重, 所有的成績一定要A+, 不斷的練琴挑戰極限, 不准在朋友家過夜, 不能交男朋友。

我第一次聽到「虎媽」的時候, 馬上想到小時候奶奶講給我聽的故事 - 虎姑婆。幻化成老太婆的老虎精會在晚上出沒, 專門抓不好好睡覺的小孩來吃。這種半威脅加恫嚇的童話, 現在大概沒有家長會講給小孩聽了, 可笑的是我很八股, 心裡一直存在著母老虎駭人的形象。

在蔡美兒的書廣受好評與爭議的同時,「虎媽」這個名詞也被濫用了,尤其是泛指所謂「嚴格」教育孩子的華裔母親。妳若是讓孩子做任何學校規定外的習題, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是要求孩子一天彈20分鐘鋼琴, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是以堅決的口吻要孩子吃青菜, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是給胡鬧的孩子任何懲罰, 妳就是虎媽。妳若是膽敢限制孩子看電視或使用iPad的時間, 妳肯定就是個不折不扣, 而且老派落伍的虎媽。

我大概算是個虎媽吧! 兒子下課後我偶爾會準備其它的project讓他完成, 因為學習不應該只在學校裡發生。兒子想學鋼琴和繪畫, 試課後讓他擇一選定, 然後就要認真全力以赴。我教孩子要吃健康營養的食物, 不要挑剔也不要浪費。不管是在家或在外, 孩子不守規矩沒有禮貌, 我都會嚴聲勸止。孩子如果表現出色, 我會不時給予驚喜的獎勵。每天看卡通或玩iPad的時間也有限制, 這樣才有更多的時間跑跳玩耍!

很嚴格嗎? 其實我是龍年生的, 叫我「龍媽」似乎更貼切點。孩子還小, 正在學習如何獨立思考,自律和做選擇。我想給他們一個規律安定的環境, 讓孩子在人格成熟的過程中, 慢慢學習自主自立, 在我這個「嚴格兼寵愛」的「龍媽」照顧下好好長大。

所有的父母都有自己教養孩子的準則。我不可能完美。但是我期勉自己聆聽孩子的聲音, 調整自己的做法, 試著當一個比今天更好的媽媽。

蔡美兒說: It’s about believing in your child more than anyone else – more than they believe in themselves – and helping them realize their potential, whatever it may be. 

這, 將是我做老師和做媽媽不斷學習謹記的課題。

If you are a Chinese parent in the States, you have probably heard of the term "Tiger Mom".

Amy Chua, born in the year of the tiger, a professor at Yale Law School, the author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, shared her personal journey about how she transformed as a mother, and how she tried to raise her daughters the same way she was raised by her first generation Chinese immigrant parents - the demand of absolute respect, math drills, piano practice, no less than A+grades, and no sleepovers or boyfriends.

The first time I heard about the term "Tiger Mom", I automatically thought of the story - 虎姑婆 (direct translation: Tiger Great Aunt) my grandma told me when I was a little. It's an ancient Chinese folktale where a tiger was disguised as an old lady, snatching and eating kids who refused to go to sleep at night. I know, it's not exactly parents' first choice for bedtime story nowadays. And it has absolutely nothing to do with Amy Chua's tiger mother story.

The term "Tiger Mom" has been used very elaborately ever since the book came out, finger-pointing Asian parents (especially Chinese) who raise their children in any "strict" ways. If you help your child do a non-school-assigned project or worksheet, you are a tiger mom. If you require your child a 20 minutes of musical instrument practice each day, you are a tiger mom. If you ask your child to eat more vegetables in a firm voice, you are a tiger mom. If you take any privileges away from your child as a consequence of bad behavior, you are a tiger mom. If you ever, set a time limit for the use of technology of any kind for your child, you are THE tiger mom. An outdated one, too. 

Call me a "Tiger Mom" if you like. I help my 6 years old do extra projects because learning doesn't stop once school it out. I let him explore art and music as extra-curricular activities. Once he makes his choice, he needs to devote his best. I teach my children to make healthy food choices and be happy with what they have. I use my teacher voice when my children are disrespectful, no matter at home or in public. A reward will be given as a surprise if they do something above and beyond. A consequence is in line when they misbehave. My children have limited time for technology use so they spend more time playing, running, or just being silly.

In fact, I was born in the dragon year. Call me a "Dragon Mom" if you please. At the age of 3 and 6, my children are acquiring the ability of independent thinking, internal self-control, and decision making. By providing a structured life at this time and letting them take more control as they mature, I hope my children will blossom beautifully with the care of  their firm but loving mother. 

We all have different priorities and approaches as to how to raise our own children. I am not going to be perfect. But I am determined to listen, adjust, and striving to be better everyday. 

Ultimately, I agree with what the original Tiger Mother said: It’s about believing in your child more than anyone else – more than they believe in themselves – and helping them realize their potential, whatever it may be. 

And that's what I will always remember as a teacher, and as a ever learning mother.

Link to the book : Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom

The Teacher's Note 請簽名歸還

事情是從一張皺巴巴的爛紙條開始的。

那天兒子一放學回家, 照慣例, 馬上就急著要玩要和妹妹鬥嘴, 總是要三催四請才慢吞吞的把書包裡的東西拿出來歸位 (我準備了in box 讓他自己放從學校帶回來的東西, 我晚上有空時才去翻閱整理)。他放好了一堆拉雜東西後, 從書包裡又拿了張紙出來, 「老師說要你簽名」, 直接交到我手裡就轉頭去玩了。好小子! 開學才不到兩個月, 老師的第一張紙條就來了! 上面罰寫了一遍「我會遵守校規」, 老師請家長簽名歸還, 其他什麼都沒有。重點是, 發生了什麼事呢?

我偷瞄了一下兒子, 完全沒有心虛偽善的樣子。「今天在學校有乖嗎?」「有啊!」看來我得換個方法問,「為什麼老師叫你寫這個句子呢? 你想想看, 是不是有不聽話被老師說了?」兒子這會兒停下來認真想了一下, 「喔, 老師說不可以頭朝下溜滑梯, 很危險。然後叫我坐在旁邊不准玩了。」呼, 還好還好, 小錯, 可以更正。我碎嘴訓誡了 一番, 又解釋了頭朝下溜滑梯可能頭破血流很可怕之類, 就簽了名放回書包的聯絡夾裡, 叮嚀兒子明天一早放進教室老師的in box裡。第二天放學, 兒子一臉悶悶不樂, 委屈的說老師又罰他坐在操場邊不准玩, 因為老師問起昨天媽媽簽名的紙條時, 他一下想不起來放在哪了, 老師就認定他沒帶回去, 馬上再度處罰。其實兒子一早就把聯絡夾交回in box了, 老師完全沒有去看一下。

這樣的懲罰適當嗎? 哪裡有說明若隔天沒有簽名歸還, 孩子就要二度受罰呢? 由一個5歲孩子代替老師跟家長溝通, 這樣合理嗎? 老爺叫我不要太介意, 只是件小事, 才剛開學沒多久, 老師又知道我也是教職人員, 合理的詢問也很容易被誤認為批判 。好吧, 人生本來就不公平, 受點委屈, 讓兒子趁早有個小教訓也好。跟兒子聊了一下已經5歲了, 自己的東西自己要負責云云, 吃了點冰淇淋, 我看他也釋懷得很快。那天晚上我寫了email 告訴老師紙條早已交回, 其他什麼都沒說。

突然想起我還在教書時用的behavior chart。從一開學就和家長和學生說明獎懲辦法, 放在教室前方人人清楚可見的地方, 用不同顏色的色卡來鼓勵良好表現的學生, 也提醒行為需要修正的孩子留意言行, 在上課時不需要為了管理秩序而中斷教學, 也沒有突如其來, 動輒得咎的處罰方式。若當天有特殊的獎懲情況, 放學後我都以簡短紙條或email馬上通知家長。

在兒子的教室裡, 我也見過一模一樣的behavior chart。掛在一堆灰塵僕僕的勞作紙後方, 被圖釘釘著的過期周報半蓋著, 上面仍標示著不知是哪年的學生名字。

是啊, 簽名歸還一張老師的紙條, 不難。但是做一個恰如其分的teacher mom, 很難。

It all started with a piece of wrinkled lined paper back in October.

My little guy pulled a paper out from his backpack and handed it to me, " My teacher said you have to sign this." Then off he went to play with his toys. I opened the folded paper. Ah, here we go, my wormy little guy's first teacher note. It looked like the little guy was asked to write a sentence: " I will follow school rules." And the teacher wanted us to sign and return it.

"Did you have a good day?" I was puzzled about what happened. The little guy paused for a second and said, "Yeah!" Hmm, maybe I should ask in a different way. "Why did your teacher ask you to write this sentence? Did you you get in trouble today?" He stopped playing for a minute and said, "Oh, now I remembered. My teacher said I can't slide head down first on the play structure. It's dangerous."

Whew! Ok, not too bad, it was a minor misbehavior. So I reminded him about playground rules, signed the paper and returned it in his homework folder. The next day, the little guy looked unhappy when I picked him up after school. He didn't have his recess but sat on a bench for a time-out. (If you have kids, you know how important recess is to them!) What was the reason? He said when the teacher asked him about the paper, he forgot where it was. (If you have a 5 years old, you know everything needs to be in plain sight or it's considered gone!) The little guy actually followed my direction and returned the homework folder with the paper in there. He just couldn't remember at that moment. And his teacher didn't bother to check first but sent him straight for another punishment.

Was that a fair consequence? Did the note indicate double punishment if it isn't signed and returned the next day? Is it appropriate to rely on a 5 year old's words to communicate with parents? My big guy told me not to make this into a big deal. Concerns from a teacher mom could easily be mistaken as criticism. Well, I guess life isn't always fair. So I talked the little guy about taking responsibilities. He listened and after a bowl of ice cream, he almost forgot all about losing recess. Later that night, I emailed the teacher and told her the whereabouts of the note, nothing else.

All of a sudden, I thought of the color-coded behavior chart I had in the past teaching years. It was a powerful tool for me to monitor students behavior without interrupting the class. Students could see it in front of the classroom as a visual reminder without being put on the spot. Steps to rewards and different levels of consequences were clearly explained to parents and reinforced with students throughout the year. A quick note or email would follow to communicate with parents about any issues occurred during the school day.

Being a parent volunteer every Thursday, I have seen the same  color-coded chart in my little guy's classroom. It is behind a pile of dusty construction paper, pinned under some old school newsletters, and still labeled with student names from who knows which school year.

I know, it's not hard to just sign and return the teacher's note. But it is very hard not to be a questioning teacher mom.

Volunteer in the Classroom 教室義工初體驗

兒子幼稚園開學已經快滿兩個月了, 十月開始我每週四在他班上當半天的義工媽媽, 小不點的2歲女兒也不得已的紅著眼眶, 背影堅毅的在週四早上去daycare四小時, 對我們三個來說, 都是一個全新的開始和捨得。
 

第一次要去當義工媽媽的前晚, 老爺好意警告我要皮繃緊一點, 克制一下要跳上台教書的衝動,只要幫忙做老師交代的事情就好。嗯, 說得沒錯, 我是為了兒子才去幫忙的, 希望他了解媽媽重視他的學習狀況, 願意參與他學習過程的一部分。於是第一個星期, 我剪了上千張的橘色小紙片, 準備全班30個孩子們要做的南瓜拼貼勞作。第二個星期, 我描畫摺疊了30個火雞帽, 把家庭作業歸檔, 然後在大鐵梯上爬上爬下的更換櫥窗佈置。第三個星期, 由於我是家長會1班1人的美術教學義工, 所以教了一堂30分鐘繪畫音樂兼備的美術課。從頭到尾兒子眼睛睜得大大, 很新奇的看著我口沫橫飛, 其他的孩子們倒是聽得津津有味。

 

說真的, 我是有點想念教書的日子。兒子是迫不及待的希望每週四都快點到, 女兒是一聽到媽媽要volunteer就委屈紅眼, 撒嬌說要一起去哥哥學校。

 

啊, 這學年還有好多個星期四呢! 到下個學年之前, 我還剩多少天能再想想何時回去重執教鞭呢?!

 

 

 

My little guy has started kindergarten for two months now. I've decided to volunteer in his class on Thursdays. And my 2 years old little girl has to go to daycare for 4 hours on Thursday mornings. Overall, it's a whole new experience for the three of us!

My big guy warned me before the first time I started volunteering: You need to control the urge of taking the class over and just do whatever the teacher asks. Yes, I totally agree. I'm there for the little guy so that he knows how much I care about his learning.

The first week, I chopped close to a thousand tiny pieces of orange paper for a pumpkin mosaic project. The second week, I traced 30 turkey hats, filed homework, climbed a ladder and took down window decorations. The third week, I finally got to teach an art lesson since I signed up to be a PTA art docent. I have to admit, the teacher in me is itching. Volunteering has gotten me back into a real classroom. However, the experience has been quite interesting to me with mixed feelings.

The little guy is definitely loving the idea of me being there - even though most of the time I sat behind the chart stand and buried by piles of paper. When I was teaching the mini art lesson last Thursday, his eyes got wide open while his classmates participated with excitement. I guess it was an eye opening experience for him - seeing Mommy in action as a classroom teacher for 30 minutes.

There are more Thursdays to come. And I look forward to being there, seeing my little guy learn.

There are more school years to come. And I start to wonder when (or ever) I should be back on stage as a teacher.

 

 

First Day of School 第一天上學

While we were still getting over jet-lag from our Taiwan trip, my little guy's first day of kindergarten was around the corner already. As usual, I got stressed out about this than I really needed to be. What kind of teacher will he have? Is she caring and patient? Is she organized and knowledgeable? Will my little guy make friends and learn happily? Lots for me to wonder and the answers remain unknown until much later.

As I expected, my little guy was quite nervous the day before. We took him to the school yard for a tour in the afternoon. Before bedtime, we read the story "The Kissing Hand" together to give him some encouragement. Daddy even had a "boys' talk" with him - if you would like to become a police officer when you grow up, you have to go to school and be smarter than the bad guys.

However, my little guy still cried a little bit about wanting to stay home with me and his little sister. I know it always takes a couple of days for him to get used to changes. During the past month in Taipei, it took him quite some time to adjust to the different lifestyle and the art class I signed him up for. But he would be a happy camper as soon as he got familiar with the routines.

September 5, 2012, first day of school, maybe Daddy's police story sank in. My little guy was happy and ready for kindergarten in the morning. He said hi to the teacher and started playing basketball on the playground right away. I watched him outside of the fence with my little girl until he lined up, waved goodbye, and went in the class with the other kids.

Yeah, I made it without crying. As I was walking back to my graciously fought and earned parking space, my heart was filled up with joy. The journey of public education has officially started for my little guy.

  

Kindergarten Inventory Test 幼稚園學前考試

自從二月時我們家兒子抽籤抽中，可以去上家裡附近隸屬的公立小學以後(僧多粥少所以要抽籤)，我就如釋重負的把這件事擱在一旁，繼續過我的家庭主婦安逸日子。直到最近逛街時發現，成群的小鬼頭大白天的就在公共場所亂竄，我才驚覺暑假已經開始了。

咳咳, 這就意味著小學行政人員即將要開始精神鬆懈，於是我神經緊張的決定，最好還是趁早再打通電話去，確認一下沒啥別的事要做，兒子九月可以穩穩當當的開心上學去。

沒想到學校辦公人員放輕鬆的速度比我快，我從早上9點打到下午2點都沒人接。下午3點，總算有人接了電話，1分鐘內將我迅速打發，說一切都沒問題就等開學，在掛我電話之前落下一句「喔，八月份要考一個幼稚園學前考試，之後學校會再通知。」

什麼？我沒聽錯吧！「嗯，請問一下，這是什麼樣的考試？考試的用意是什麼呢?」「考試的結果要用來決定學生的班別，其他的我不清楚，請等學校通知。」就這樣，問不出個所以然來，我只好掛了電話。

一星期之後，學校通知來了，看完了還是一頭霧水。信裡不但沒有告知家長考試的內容，也沒有說明要給五歲小孩考試的用意，只說這是為了讓老師能準備更充分，讓小孩學習會更好，而且還用大寫字母強調學校很忙，請在被指定的時間報到不要囉嗦。

從家長的角度來看，我是一肚子疑問。這是國家的義務教育，連非法移民都可以讀的公立小學，不是私立名校，要大把鈔票，能力測驗，還要通過面試才能就讀。就算要測驗學生的程度，用來幫助老師因材施教，學校卻用這單一考試的成績做學前分班，對求學之路剛開始的5歲孩子來說，公平嗎？以做老師的角度來看，我也曾經在教幼稚園那年做過類似的評量，但那是在已經開學2-3星期之後，我對每個學生都有了相當程度的認識和了解，評量的結果也僅供我個人的教學參考，與學校行政作業或班級分發是完全無關的。

考慮了一下，孩子的爸和我決定冷處理，反正八月回台灣的機票早就訂好了，勢必是沒辦法按時去考試，開心度假回來再看著辦吧！

這年頭，要讓兒子上個學可真不容易啊!

After my son's name had been picked in the kindergarten lottery in February, I felt at ease that he can start school in September with no problems. However, knowing summer break has just started and school office will be closed shortly after,  I got nervous again and decided I should call to make sure there is nothing else we need to do.

I was expecting the school office to answer the phone promptly since all kids are out. Instead, I called every hour from 9am-2pm but no one answered. Finally, someone picked up the phone at 3pm. The office staff on the phone said everything was all set and my son is good to go. Before I could say thank you and hang up the phone, she said, " Oh, he will need to take a test sometime in August before school starts. So we can determine whether he will be in the early or the late bird kindergarten class." (Early bird class is 8:30-11:50 am, late bird class is 9:30 am-12:50 pm, the same teacher teaches the two staggered classes.)

Wait a minute, I thought. "Can you please tell me what the test is about and when it will happen in August? " "No, I don't know. You will just have to wait for a letter from school. It will be mailed to you next week." I said thank you and hung up the phone. I knew I wouldn't get any more information from her.

This week, the mysterious letter has arrived.

I read it from a parent's perspective. The letter provides no information about the test. And it demands you to keep your appointment time because they are very busy. This is a public school, not a private school which children need to test and interview to get in. Even if an assessment needs to be done before school starts, should the result be used to determin which kindergarten class my son will be in? Does this mean the early bird class is full of immature dummies? Does this mean late bird class is full of beyond the grade level geniuses? Should we label 5 years old children based on a single test, which the content is unknown and unavailable to the parents?

Putting all the questions aside, I read it again with a teacher's mind. My first year as a teacher was to teach a kindergarten class. From what I remember, I think this is the inventory test which evaluate a new kindergartener's academic abilities.  The assessment is usually done during the first two weeks "after" a new school year has begun. It helps the teacher get an overview of the students' academic levels so the lessons can be planned accordingly. However, I never heard of this inventory test being administered "before" the kindergarten year starts, nor did the result being used to determine class assignments.

Well, the big guy and I have decided to look at it this way: since we have already booked tickets to visit family in Taiwan for the whole month of August, we will not be able to make it on the assigned appointment date anyways. We will enjoy our vacation and worry about the test later.

Isn't it easy to get my son into a public school kindergarten!


(For more information about kindergarden in California, visit http://www.cde.ca.gov/ci/gs/em/kinderinfo.asp )

Education for the Money 學海無涯, 「錢」頭是岸?

Recently I have read a story written in Mandarin by an annymous Chinese-Jew mom. I found an English version of the story at the link below:

Jewish Heritage of Family Education in Finance - A Story told by a Chinese-Jew Mom

Doesn't it make you wonder the meaning of education?

Most young children I know live comfortably with everything provided by their parents. My own children don't know the difference between gourmet cuisine and fast food. They can't tell the difference between Nordstrom outfits and Good Will second-hands. At such an innocent age, they learn, they grow, and along the way, they acquire knowledge and skills through school and family education. With all that (and maybe a little luck), one day, they will be able to support themselves in life.

Is money important? Of course it is. Through education, many of us found the way to make a living.

But is money the answer to everything?

Education is more than just a means to an end. I want my children to grow through the fun of learning. I want them to genuinely care about family, friends, and people around them.  I want them to share within their means and ask for no return. I want them to repect themselves and others, despite of cultural and social-economical differences.

Being a millionair definitely opens the door to a comforatble and luxurious life. However, the values children learn through education can not be measured by money. And I believe, these value will be what carry them through any unknown obstacles in life.

最近讀了這篇猶太裔中國籍華人的故事，讓我再次思考教育與學習的目的為何。

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1992年，當我輾轉回到以色列的時候，13歲的老大、12歲的老二和10歲的小女兒都還暫時留在中國。 選擇在那時回到以色列，完全是窮途末路：我的父親是猶太人，二戰時逃亡到上海，並在那生下我。母親在我很小的時候就拋棄了我們，12歲那年父親去世，我就成了孤兒。長大後，我在上海銅廠當體力女工。結婚生下3個孩子後，丈夫離我們而去。留在上海，滿眼都是痛苦的回憶。正好那時中以正式建交，懷著一種逃避的心情，我成為了第一批回到以色列的猶太後裔。

初到以色列的日子，比想像中要困難許多。

我不懂得那語言(父親教的古希伯萊語早已不在以色列使用)，不懂得移民優惠政策(新移民可以有一筆安家 費)。在特拉維夫的大街上，我壓根不知道怎樣才能生存下去。我從上海帶去的積蓄只能維持3個月的生活開支，我必須找到賺錢的辦法，還要早日把孩子接到我身邊。
我苦攻希伯萊語，學最基本的生活語言，然後，我在路邊擺了個投資最小的小攤賣春捲。
以色列的官方貨幣是謝克爾，1謝克爾兌換人民幣2塊錢，更小的幣值是雅戈洛，1謝克爾等於100雅戈洛。我的 春捲小攤，每天能賺到十來個謝克爾。當我的小攤生意慢慢穩定下來以後，1993年5月，我把3個孩子都接到了以色列。

孩子們初到以色列的時候，受到了不少鄰居們的責難。以前在國內時，我一直秉承再苦不能苦孩子的原則，到了以色列以後，我依舊做著我合格的中國式媽媽：我把孩子們送去學校讀書，他們上學的時候我賣春捲。 到了下午放學的時候，他們就來春捲攤，我停止營業，在小爐子上面給他們做餛飩下麵條。 一天，當3個孩子圍坐在小爐子旁邊等我做飯的時候，鄰居過來訓斥老大："你已經是大孩子了，你應該學會去幫助你的母親，而不是在這看著母親忙碌，自己就像廢物一樣。 "然後，鄰居轉過頭訓斥我： "不要把那種落後的中國式教育帶到以色列來，別以為生了孩子你就是母親……" 鄰居的話很傷人，我和老大都很難受，回家後，我安慰老大： "沒事的，媽媽能撐住，我喜歡照顧你們。 "可是，老大說： "也許，她說得沒錯。媽媽，讓我試著去照顧弟弟妹妹吧……" 第二天是祈禱日，孩子們中午就放學了。來到我的小攤，老大坐在我旁邊，學著我的樣子把打好的春捲皮包上餡，卷成成品，然後入油鍋去炸。他的動作一開始有些笨拙，但是後來越來越熟練……老大身上的轉變大得連我自己都想不到，除了幫我做春捲，他還提出由他們帶做好的春捲去學校賣給同學。每天早上，他和弟弟妹妹每人帶20個春捲去學校，放學回 來的時候，會把每人 10謝克爾的賣春捲收入全部上交給我。我覺得很心酸，讓他們小小年齡就要擔起生活的擔子。

可是，他們沒有表現出我想像的那種委屈，他們說他們慢慢開始喜歡這種賺錢的感覺了。鄰 居太太經常來跟我聊天，告訴我正規的猶太家庭應該如何運作，應該如何教育孩子：猶太人從來不覺得賺錢是一個需要到達一 定年齡才能開展的活動，與中國的"教育從娃娃抓起"一樣，他們始終覺得"賺錢從娃娃抓起"才是最好的教育方式。
鄰居太太告訴我，在猶太家庭沒有免費的食物和照顧，任何東西都是有價格的，每個孩子都必須學會賺錢，才能獲得自己需要的一切。我覺得這樣的教育手段比較殘酷，不是那麼容易接受。但是，孩子們在學校也被灌輸著這樣的理念。他們比我更容易地接受了這種猶太法則。於是，我決定改變以前在國內對孩子們的習慣，試著培養他們成為猶太人。

首先，我們家確立了有償生活機制，家裡的任何東西都不再無償使用，包括我這個母親提供的餐食和服務。在 家吃一頓飯，需要支付給我100雅戈洛的成本費用，洗一次衣服需要支付50雅戈洛……在收取費用的同時，我給予他們賺錢的機會，我以每個春捲30雅戈洛的價錢批發給他們，他們帶到學校後，可以自行加價出售，利潤部分 可自由支配。 第一天下午回來以後，我得知3個孩子賣春捲的方式竟然截然不同：老三比較老實，按照老價錢，50雅戈洛一個 零售，賺到了400雅戈洛；老二則使用了批發手段，40雅戈洛一個直接將春捲全部賣給了學校餐廳，儘管只200 雅戈洛的利潤，但他告訴我餐廳同意每天讓他送100個春捲去；老大的方式比較出人意料，他在學校舉辦了一個 "帶你走進中國"的講座，由他主講中國國內的見聞，講座噱頭就在於可免費品嘗美味的中國春捲，但是需要買 入場券，每人10雅戈洛，每個春捲都被他精心分割成了10份，他接待了200個聽眾，入場券收入2000雅戈洛，在上繳學校500雅戈洛的場地費用後，利潤 1500雅戈洛。

除了老三的方法在我意料以內之外，老大和老二的經營方式都超出了我的想像。我真的沒有料到，只在短短數日之間，以前只會黏著我撒嬌的孩子就搖身一變成了精明的小猶太商人。他們的學業並沒有因此受到任何影響，為了琢磨出更多更新穎的賺錢方法，他們很努力地去學習和思考——老師授課的內容很對他們胃口，因為沒有奉獻精神之類的說教。

老師問過他們這樣一個問題："當遭到異教徒的襲擊，必須逃命的時候，你會帶著什麼逃走？" 對於這個問 題，回答"錢"或"寶石"是不對的。這是因為，無論是錢還是寶石，一旦被奪走就會完全失去。正確的答案是"教育"。與財物不同，只要人活，教育就不可能被別人奪走。 他們很讚賞老師說的這麼一句話： "如果你想將來成為富翁，就學好眼前的東西，它們將來都會大有用處的……"

當老大在法律課上學習了移民法後，他告訴我像我們這樣的家庭應該可以去移民局領取安家費。我半信半疑去了，結果一下領回了6000謝克爾的安家費，這對我們一家來說可是一筆了不得的財產。然後，老大跟我說因為 他給我提供了資訊，我應該付給他10％的酬金。我猶豫很久，終於決定把600謝克爾這筆大錢給他，他拿到錢後，給我和弟弟妹妹都買了很漂亮的禮物，剩下的錢，他說他會拿去變成更多的錢。老大用這筆酬金郵購了一批在國內很便宜的文具，然後去學校進行售賣，利潤再投入繼續進貨，1年以後他戶頭上的金額就已經超過了 2000謝克爾。

儘管老大很會賺錢，但在實際上，老二比他更領會猶太法則的精髓——猶太人共同的一點是，從事那些不用投入 本錢的行業，從事其他人不做的、無須花錢和投資的工作。當老大在利用國內的資源賺錢的時候，老二也在如此做著，不過，他賺的是不需要成本的精神領域的利潤——老二以他14歲的年齡和文筆，竟然在報紙上開設了自 己的專欄，專門介紹上海的風土人情，每週交稿2篇，每篇1000字，每月8000雅戈洛。老三是女孩子，因為比較矜持，也沒有展露出賺錢方面的才能，但是我在她身上欣慰地看到了猶太人對生活的樂觀和優雅。她學會了煮茶和做點心，每天晚上，她會精心煮一壺紅茶，配上她自創的口味不同的點心，一家人圍坐下來邊吃邊聊 天——老三的點心有點中西合璧的味道，兩個哥哥都很喜歡。 不過，這些點心不是免費的，兩個哥哥支付的點心費用，刨開成本和每天需要交給我的費用外，老三也能活得很滋潤。當我們家的資金越來越豐富的時候，我們一家４口合資開辦了我們家的中國餐廳。我占40％股份、老 大30％、老二20％、老三10％。當我們家的餐廳越來越有名的時候，我也引起了很多關注。當我獲得拉賓的接見後，我成了以色列的名人。此時的我已經完全掌握了希伯萊文，再加上我的母語中文，我最後被以色列國家鑽石公司邀請擔任駐中國首席代表。

當我回國任職的時候，孩子們也跟隨我一起回到了中國，有了中國孩子作為比較對象之後，我方才發覺我的孩子成長得比我想像的還要優秀——在回國之前，每個孩子都去購買了很多以色列產的物品。 回國之後，老師來找我了，她說我的孩子在校園推銷來自以色列的商品，從飾品到民族服裝甚至到子彈殼無所不有，她建議我好好管教一下孩子。我告訴她，我無權干涉我孩子的行為，這是他賺取他們學費的方式——因為，我已經不再負責他們的所有學習費用。老師的眼睛頓時瞪得大大的，她理解不了像我這樣月薪5000美元的母親竟然會不給孩子學費。我請她品嘗一下女兒做的在家售價2塊錢一個的小點心，微笑著告訴她："這是我的 孩子在以色列生活幾年以來，學會猶太法則的產物，我相信他們將來都會成為優秀的人才……"。

在隨後的高考中，老大進入了旅遊高等專科學校，他說他要成為專業的旅遊人才，然後去以色列開辦自己的旅遊公司，壟斷經營中國遊；第二年，老二考入上海外國語學院，他說他的理想是當一個作家，在不需任何投資 和奉獻的前提下賺取利潤；老三說她會去學中國廚藝，當一個頂級的糕點師，然後去開辦全以色列最好的糕點店……

回國以後，我發覺很多中國父母都活在一種左右搖擺的矛盾心態中既希望自己的孩子將來能成為大富翁，卻又 似乎害怕孩子過早地沉迷於金錢——就好像，既希望孩子將來能有個幸福的家庭，卻又害怕孩子現在會早戀一樣。這是一種典型的葉公好龍——猶太人用敲擊金幣的聲音迎接孩子的出世，賺錢是他們人生的終極目標，至於教育、學習都是為了達到這個目標必須經歷的過程——而中國的父母，哪怕心中憧憬無比，但卻從來不肯挑明這個話題。

這句話很難說嗎？其實只是簡單的一句："孩子，我想當一個富豪的媽媽!"
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讀完這篇文章，你是否也在思考教育的價值?

我的孩子有飯吃，有學上，有自己的玩具和房間。沒有窮過，不曉得四菜一湯和只有泡麵米湯的差別。沒有苦過，不知道Zara當季童裝和破內褲得省下做抹布的不同。錢財的確是生存的必須，透過教育而學有所長，更是大多數人的生財之道。

沒錯，我希望將來孩子能自給自足，衣食無缺，若有充裕的錢財是錦上添花，人生能走更寬廣的路。然而人生的成就不只是用錢財就能衡量，我更期望孩子能體會學習新知的美好，看重人與人之間的情分，在能力範圍內無私的分享和付出，懂得自重也尊重別人。

唯有這樣成長的孩子，才懂得如何在未知的關口，拿捏生命的分寸。